The Calm, Right Now

To most accurately reference this slice of time, Ben and I have been using the saying "the calm before the storm"... because we know with closing, Demo Day, renovations, moving, and baby, it's all about to get completely crazy. As if it hasn't already ;) 

Since Ben gets back from Europe the day after we close, and we are on a strict 1-month deadline before moving in... the demo starts in a week. For this reason, we soaked in a slow morning in La Jolla yesterday, sipping iced coffee, eating pancakes, and walking on the beach. In these moments I often wonder if life gets any better... these minutes that seem to melt away under the footsteps in the sand and the panoramic beauty of cliffs and sea. Walking hand-in-hand with Benjamin, I am made safe - remembering that no matter what, we have each other. This is exactly what life is about. There's nowhere else to be and nothing more important in this time that I wish I could freeze forever.

I think about little baby (who we have nicknamed bbnize for now...) growing inside and I wonder what life will look like with him here. While I know so many of the obvious things will change - sleep, mainly - I wonder how the inside of me will change... how my heart will transform, what my thoughts will be about, and how my deeper desires and passions may alter. Those are the changes that seem more unpredictable; the ones I can only know as I walk through it. 

I also wonder how much of life will continue to feel strangely unchanged. There have to be aspects of each day that fall back into normal routine, right?! So many new moms focus on the things that seem so different, but what about those that stay the same? I might be experiencing a major identity and role shift, but I'll still be me, right?! 

It will be an interesting course to walk this next month - in the predictable lies the unpredictable; in the fear lies the growth; and in the questions lie the journey. Even though my dreams circle around re-tiling bathrooms and open-shelving, I will attempt to soak in the minutes of calm that I can steal before life feels like more of a storm. As we continue to learn, it is through the rain that we experience His glory; even when it's not our plan, we would still choose the rain knowing the richness of unexpected joy that lies within it.