Some days I get a glimpse of Jack and it hits me "I'm a Mom." It feels foreign and surreal because I always thought I would "be a certain person" when I became a Mom. When I was younger, I had a vision of what I would be like when I was a teenager or when I went to college or when I got married. I pictured myself as a different person; I imagined that I would somehow feel different... even though I can't exactly pin down what that "different feeling" would be...
The truth is, I'm still me. And in so many ways, I feel different... but I also don't fit that vision of the feeling I thought I would have. Maybe because life takes its turns and I never pictured myself Mom'ing in San Diego, living in Clairemont, or teaching at PLNU.
If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that life pans out better than my initial vision. Even though sometimes I want to fight for what I think it's "supposed" to be, being present to what life currently looks like brings much more peace. Letting go of the "ought's and should's" is one of my greatest challenges and disciplines.
The truth is, I'm still me. And in so many ways, I feel different... but I also don't fit that vision of the feeling I thought I would have. Maybe because life takes its turns and I never pictured myself Mom'ing in San Diego, living in Clairemont, or teaching at PLNU.
If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that life pans out better than my initial vision. Even though sometimes I want to fight for what I think it's "supposed" to be, being present to what life currently looks like brings much more peace. Letting go of the "ought's and should's" is one of my greatest challenges and disciplines.
