"Gratitude exclaims, very properly, ‘How good of God to give me this.’ Adoration says, ‘What must be the quality of that Being whose far-off and momentary coruscations are like this!’

One’s mind runs back up the sunbeam to the sun. If I could always be what I aim at being, no pleasure would be too ordinary or too usual for such reception; 

from the first taste of the air when I look out of the window—one’s whole cheek becomes a sort of palate—down to one’s soft slippers at bed-time." 

// C.S. LEWIS 

"Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer"

Here in Chicago, we fight the winter with talk of sunny vacation spots, looking ahead to April and counting down to the escape from this convincing tundra that effortlessly whispers lies that the sun did indeed forget to shine ever again in this region of the world. And yet, every winter I am faced with the choice to practice thankfulness, to walk in gratitude, to notice the moments that bring light. Here, in the snowfallen, slushy streets; in the wind that bites at uncovered ears and frostbitten toes; and dark blur of puffer coats bobbing home after the 4 o'clock sunset, winter teaches me the practice of gratitude in a way no other season truly can.

These earmuffs from my roomie for Christmas have been termed "the Teddy Bear ears"
...and I live in them.

Hand-knit mittens for Christmas from Betsy

Gratitude is more than the practice of begin thankful, it is bringing worship to the One who always gives, provides, sustains, and beautifies. One can look at a tree and mourn the loss of leaves or one can look at the tree and be thankful for the tree. When this discipline is practiced, one's senses become alive to the world in a spirit of wonder, and that is when one decides to put the complaints aside and chooses to truly live.

MOSAIC - a new job, new students, new eyes of awe.

Winter nights are time to hunker down, binge watch Netflix docs,
and sip endless bottles of wine in the presence of best friends.

Hey Chicago - at least we are in it together! 

Thin Places

With a thesis on Pilgrimage in the works, I have been defining and narrowing a definition of Home and Away, and what it means to be a foreigner on a journey with a destination. Why does our heart feel so free in places like the Camino in a way it doesn’t feel at Home? What is it about Home that changes when we return from a pilgrimage away? Is it possible to bring pilgrimage to Home or is it something that happens when we leave? These are the questions I wrestle with as I uncover the historical and theological roots of this ancient practice.

This city I call Home.

Christian Mystic, Catherine of Siena, describes places of wonder at the presence of God as “thin places.” These places beguile and inspire, sedate and stir; these sites loosen our grip on routine and give us new breath and a vision of “the good life.” Thin places are glimpses of God; the gap between heaven and earth collapses and we lose our bearings to find new ones. We are drawn to these places because they shed light on our real Home – the home we journey towards in life with God.

With Jessica on the Camino de Santiago : August 2014

This idea of Home has been rolling around in my soul as I consider next steps after graduation and where it might lead me. I don’t want to remain in the Shire* and the comfort of my Hobbit Hole apartment that I have lived in for the past four (almost five) years. I am challenged to conquer new mountains and tackle new transitions. To step out of the shire can be scary and new; it offers unforeseeable changes to lifestyle, routine, and forces you to live in the questions. Leaving the comfort of home, one is put in the position to be disoriented and jolted out of old ways of seeing the world. Yet, it is only in the tension of here and there; the presence of suffering and joy; the dance of challenge and ease that we truly transform.

The lights are always on at the Lily, welcoming me home.

If life is truly about transformation, we should run from the Shire anticipating the unknowns as the catalyst to change. And if there’s anything in life I truly desire, it is this Adventure of faith wherein there is peace knowing God as Emmanuel, God with me wherever I go.

These people are what Home is about.

*Its taken us months to complete, but my dad and I are finally finishing the entire extended Lord of the Rings trilogy. I also listened to The Hobbit over break, so everything in life has a Tolkien reference these days…

The Girl at the Mirror

Every so often we are given the gift of a feeling that rises within us and instinctively wants to shout “Me too!” It happens during a sermon, book, or podcast… in conversations with friends or art or moments when lyrics to a song so beautifully pierce our core. It is the feeling of connection and the realization that there is someone else out there who speaks your language. 

As a child, I would stare intently at my mom’s framed copy of The Girl at the Mirror as I wandered through her room watching her go about the routine of getting ready for the day. In my seven-year-old eyes I couldn’t name the feeling it gave me, but my soul felt sadness and discomfort. So when my mom offered me the ownership of this painting while my family was packing up to move years later, it was an obvious feeling of grief that came over me as I stared back at the girl. In her I saw the reality of growing-up, a life lived in the tension of pushing forward as we grieve that which we leave behind. It is the presence of sitting in front of that mirror with all our hesitations, while knowing that inevitably we will have to leave something behind if we want to grow.

Once again, I return to this girl with her questions and fears and unknowns. As I continue on this journey of graduate school and entering a new classroom of children, I look forward to seeing dreams come into being in this new year. It is a season of unknowns; a season I am wondering who I am and who I will become. It is my tendency to want to run toward the answers, but I know the fulfillment lies in the journey. My desire is to be present with the wondering, to be fully aware that God is working here. He isn’t as much concerned with the future version of who I will become, it is the process of who He is growing me into that marks this journey.

2014 in Review

2014 was a year of Worship.

As I stood before summer on the brink of so many decisions, I see how God slowly and gently led me to live on a houseboat in Portland, work on a documentary in Spain, and teach me about community and discipline through running the Chicago marathon. 

The push and pull of solitude & community taught me how to seek God in both. As I took baby steps of saying Yes, I was surprised with opportunities to travel, write, laugh, and learn. Exploring the PNW, standing beside my bro as he got married, returning to the Camino, two more semesters of grad school, running the farthest distance of my life, accepting a teaching job in Oak Park, bidding Daniel farewell to San Diego, welcoming in a new year with photobooth installations and wallpaper… This was a year full of changes & transitions. 

In 2015, I hope to: eliminate hurry, experience a new culture, and work on a book. As I finish up one more class at Wheaton College, a thesis, and comprehensive exams, I continue to ask the Lord how He wants to use this degree and where He might lead me. 2014 reminds me of Purpose and I hope to further root my identity, passions, and gifts in 2015.

Winter walks in the woods with Camino friends

The most grueling winter I have ever experienced

Free Floater Fridays - working at Gaslight

Exploring my family roots via the Genogram model

A season of Gala events with my nearest and dearest roomie

Art Institute gala

Celebrating my best friend Bro

Karaoke-ing the Winter away

Our annual Music Box Valentine's Day outing (three years in a row!)

Dinners, drinks, winter survival

Winter Olympics 2014 cupcakes!

Our weekly prayer group - believing, celebrating, uplifting one another

Jeni's ice-cream on our block was the best/worst addition to Southport Ave

Studies on studies = coffee on coffee

Captiva Island, FL Spring Break escape

Kayaks, bikes, beach, sun

Bringing the people together since 2012: St. Patty's Day party hosted by my bro

My best visits Chi

Writing better stories overlooking the city with Suzy and my bro

Being pinned as an official hospitalera 

Easter: The best memories with Andrew & Jenny in DAYTON

Cincinnati explorations

This one I love!

Little Goat b/c Sonj is in town!

Facetimes with these lovebirds

Party bus to MEDIEVAL TIMES.
Need I say more?!

Surviving Finals Life in the Library

End of the Semester celebrations!

Lived on a houseboat in Portland working as an Outreach Coordinator for The Camino Documentary

Santa Barbara, CA beach camping weekend

Sonj & Ted visit the houseboat

Ash visits the Houseboat

Houseboat colors

Cannon Rock

Morning kayaks on the Wilamette River

Celebrating the Fourth with Ash

PCT hikes

So many sunsets

Bros visit Portland

Seattle weekend

The most beautiful place I have ever stood

Living on Voodoo Doughnuts

Seattle portraits with Sonj

Larry visits Houseboat

Back to Chi - wedding'ing with my fave videographer

Dinner and Tapas with Friends before we watch the Camino Doc at the Gene Siskel

Long Runs & Volleyball

Family celebrating my Papa

The first ever Home Depot built giant iPhone for
Emoji Party 2014

Getting a crew together for Phil's Camino filming in Spain

Pre-Camino Love

Sibs at Mikey's rehearsal din

Mikey & Jillian get married! August 2, 2014

Back to Spain to film Phil

Sunflower Explorations as we walk the Camino

Stranded in Burgos together

The best at work

Phil's Camino team

Watching these two fall in love....

Marathon Training solidarity
Saturday Long Runs

Celebrating the Mirzas with this bro

The blessing of best friends

Taylor Phelan on The Voice!

Cannie and Will come to Chi!

Oct 12th: Chicago Marathon
with Team World Vision
Accomplishing a goal I never thought possible

Fall in the City is the best

Denver weekend w/ the Goldsteins

Wizard of Oz Halloween

HoneyRock week intensive

Celebrating Cara!

Phil's Camino continues to Seattle, WA

Boom

DHS 10 Year Reunion!

Building a lifestyle around values...

Entering the wardrobe in graduate school

Little Goat brunch

Celebrating Cassie's baby boy!

Macy's tradition: shopping & drinks with Dad

Annual Truck Stop Christmas with Grandma

Family Christmas Time

Paint chips for NYE

Bidding Daniel farewell before he left for San Diego, CA

The friends in town!
Heritage Coffee

Big Star standing tacos with my favorites

The Concierge at our NYE Party

"Get your hands off my Lobby Boy!"

Midnight singing: Auld Lang Syne

These two classy bros

Happy New Year!
Love, The Lily

[Other years: 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013]