All My Fountains

morning light in the lily kitchen

With extra margins of time and space to think without pressing distractions... my mind naturally drifts to the next place, and I find it an increasingly difficult discipline to be HERE. It seems my default thought-mode to dwell on what's missing, how I need to change, and what I should being doing differently to live a happier and more abundant life. I sit and write and drift and wonder and try to figure it all out... which, as I look back, seems to be a trend in my patterns of thought... and I wrestle around with variations of solutions.

But my circles of thoughts have entered into concrete reality this summer.

In early June, when summer first gave birth to new freedom and delight, I found myself in a situation that shook me up and turned me over, forcing me to consider the present. In the longest millisecond of my life, I was suddenly on the edge of the highway after colliding with a semi-truck; a 4 car pile-up that shocked my sense of entitlement to even another breath. In a world I like to control, a single moment exposed me completely destructible without a control panel of invincibility. This life does not guarantee us anything at all - the convenience of a car even something I'm prone to "deserve" - and especially a life lived by faith and trust in the One who GIVES life.

biking & coffee. they go well together.

Living without Sally the Rav this summer has rooted my feet, slowed me down, and channeled new thanksgiving in my life. It has struck down my pride in this solo & independent plight of mine, forcing me to ask for help or a favor or work around someone else's timeframe, slowly giving new direction to a heart that thinks of Me First.

Sunday afternoons with Daniel at Eva's

And while slowing down... I have been cultivating awareness of the present habits created in culture. We are constantly striving towards something else... the next year... savings and futures and plans and marriages and weekend plans and school plans and after-work plans... Our culture trains us in Next, and we slowly adopt this paradigm as we live our days and look at weeks ahead. We see who we wish we were, our "someday" selves... a journey with a destination that feels within reach "if only I had...." We celebrate the BIG moments, the grand adventures, and the most courageous undertakings... we make plans for extravagant vacations and peaceful seasides... knowing that we will find God in those places. And we do. Because the BIG is true and beautiful. 

But it's also true that we get to see God TODAY. 

And that is the gift we get to unwrap each morning with our very first breath. 

Thanksgiving.

mornings on the porch.

I want to take my gaze away from the gaps and spaces, and turn to the fullness of what is real. Instead of seeing life itself as something I deserve - each breath or step or body function - I want to give thanks for it. 

Noticing the fullness of what I have, not turning the focus to what isn't. Desires and dreams planted in my heart are lovely, imaginations of Someday, and inclinations towards a new job or new location important, but dismissing the life I live and trading it for what I wish I had will never be Full. Or satisfied. Or content. For life is about WHO we seek, not what we seek. And when we seek Him FIRST, all else in His Kingdom follows (Matt 6:33).

these lovelies... i am so thankful for them. and life in chicago.

I've had anxiety lately as I think about summer ending in a few weeks. My heart beats fast and my fists start to clench because I want to hold summer tightly forever - this season when I feel the most alive, the most Me. But what does this reveal? I've put my trust in Summer, relying on Time alone to set me free. Is it possible to see His face amidst the beat of school routines and the rush to 3:10pm with twenty-four 6-year olds each day?! 

When I consider living a life of thanks, I know God's Presence is accessible in every single moment... and that HE is the only source of life. Life is not found in the long and lingering moments on the beach, slow & steady bike rides, staying up late and sleeping in and coffee on the porch. God is the one and only Source. "For with YOU is the fountain of life; in YOUR light we see light" (Psalm 36:9), life is only & forever found in Him. When we live in the heart of that truth, each moment carries His presence, a glimpse of His character... and when we find HIM, we find LIFE.

Summer Swing

I love everything about summer and I'm already mourning it being half over.

I love lazy mornings and slow afternoons. Time to observe life, take it in, and rest in it.

Unrushed, unhurried.

Choice and freedom to go and be and do whatever, whenever.

I was made for Summer. And I enjoy it maybe too much.

[...which is also why I love my job!!!!]

Daniel in his truest American form.

Americake. Happy 236th birthday 'Murica!

When I bike around this city, I just can't help myself.
Everything I pass feels in some form beautiful.
Like this quaint little neighborhood church... Sigh.
This is the very best city.

Beach dates. Diet coke in glass. Lake Michigan. This is where life is lived.

My cute little roomies - on the roof is where I tend to find them.

And after a week of keeping up with Daniel's social energy... this night was necessary.
Just some solo sushi & wine.

Movie Projection in our backyard. It's a Wes Anderson themed summer...
For the second installment, we showed Royal Tenenbaums.

Art Institute : Roy Lichtenstein exhibit.
He is genius.

Thankful for girlfriends and laughter and inspiration.

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” 

::The Great Gatsby

Togetherness

"... sharing a story with somebody made the story more meaningful. I'd heard that in a movie, that other people testify that our lives are actually happening. It felt like that, I think. It felt as though I was designing stories for us, not just me..."

:: Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (154)

When I spied this couple in the airport (and then proceeded to creep on them via iPhone photo...) it made me think about living life alongside another person... and what it might be like to deeply know someone for 20, 30, 40+ years. And after all the stories lived & moments experienced, to hold hands and know you were in it together. We were made for that companionship... designed to live through things with one another.

< Just a moment witnessed that reminds me of the sweetness of life and brings a smile to my soul >

Camp Breakfast

Okay - so I'm not the best videographer in the world. But I love the idea of posting videos... so here's a taste of camp life after the storm. It's called: Breakfast.

And as a sidenote: I love how everyone in this vid is just doing their thing. Daniel managing the fire, Sonja hand-crushing coffee beans, Jess doing video, Chris adjusting the playlist... and me: dancing to Mumford.... clearly.

So many homes...

Along the road.

Here are a few...

a treehouse.
a tipi.
a log cabin.
a loft.

and not to be forgotten...

car campouts. oceanside.

Portland to SF in Film

From the food trucks & vintage shops in Portland

to the mountains that border Cali/Oregon

Playing on the coast, hugging the Redwoods, and wine tastings outside Napa...

I've never been prouder to be an American this Fourth.

I love this country.

{excuse the backwards writing... blame the film developers for running it in reverse.}

Summer Flannel

Fireside brews pre-storm.

Despite...

the flashing alert for severe pending thunderstorms

not owning enough tents for everyone

lack of firewood & flashlights

2 friends arriving too late to actually enter the campsites

downpour, thunder, and lightening all.night.long

and only a semi-functioning rain cover...

WE SURVIVED.

And it.was.awesome.

Because.

Instead

of sitting in a tent, we danced in the rain

of s'mores around a fire, we had cupcakes and played guitar in a tent

of a standard protocol camping trip, I have memories I can never forget.

even if I tried.

and that makes a better story.

For awhile I doubted a sunny morning would ever come.

canyons & waterfalls hike.

And life is more about playing in the rain then sitting in a tent, anyways.