From There to Here

The past few weeks have been spirals of emotions so grand it has felt impossible to name in words... grieving the goodbye of life in Chicago, embracing a new adventure in a new city, celebrating 29, unpacking an apt, unpacking a classroom, hustling to start school, traveling to Denver, returning to SD, first full week of teaching school...

The high's and low's of Transition Time have been encountered not-so-gracefully. Tears and self-doubt have been my go-to, and grieving the life I leave behind has been all-consuming.

Last moments at Heritage... My second Chicago Home.

BFF4L

Scraps of Lily Life found whilst moving

The lesson learned for Miss. Independent over here is that nothing is meant to be done alone. Within the first week of living in SD, all the Change conquered my soul and seemed to beat me up beyond repair. It felt like every decision was in some way Wrong and my whole being unraveled in a pool of unstoppable tears.

Early Morning send-off before I hit the road

Albert the Elephant as my companion before meeting up with Kate/Jordan
to drive Chicago --> Denver

My sweet momma bore the burden for me with all my tear-filled phone calls, and graciously rushed to my side with a last-minute plane ticket to be my second set of hands. She worked sun-up to sun-down to pin up bulletin boards, arrange letters, cut-out laminated birthday banners and tooth charts, make Ikea runs and tire around the clock to make my Home a Home. She lit up my life with a spark that brought energy to my loneliness and rejuvenation to my spirit. Her can-do attitude allowed me to see Possibility in the bleakness and she rescued a heart that felt buried in an anxious sea of fear.

All the Arches at Zion National Park

Bryce Canyon

The Bellagio
Vegas, baby!

My New Home - Studio by the Sea - is a place of refuge, rest, peace, and safety. When I awake each day, the streams of light flow through the windows to remind me this is a place of Light. As I teach my first graders about building our house on the rock - our God, our firm foundation - I am reminded that my studio home must be founded on the Word of God in order to grow.

Birthday Brunch with Mikey!
Candle in my biscuit :) 

Sibsteins of the Road trip

Mumford with these guys - the best.

I set my heart on these verses and declare them over my new space:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deut. 31:6)

"But the Lord has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge." (Psalm 94:22)

"Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place - the Most High, who is my refuge - no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." (Psalm 91:9-12)

"For God is not a God of confusion but of peace." (1 Cor 14:33)

He is here with me and it is my desire to seek Him in the loneliness, fear, and worry about my future. He is here. He bids me Come and Rest.

Studio by the Sea

Some of the Reasons

Ever since winter, the thought has floated through my head to move out to California... I am in a season of transition from finishing graduate school to looking for a job, and it seemed as though if I was looking for a job, I should look out in San Diego where the sun shines brightly through those dark winter months, the ocean becomes a way of life, and each day feels relaxed & easy. After living in our sweet Lily home for five years, my soul longed for change in the most drastic sense. California called my name, so I packed up and followed. It was only three weeks ago that I was offered a teaching position at Tri-City Christian outside of San Diego, and in these past weeks it has felt like I am watching myself live a different life. When I initially drove out here, it felt like an adventure towards vacation, but now the inevitable return to reality sets in - and fear & doubt take over. This all happened so fast - was it the right choice? Did I really listen to God and move forward according to His plan for my life? Is this where He has me this year (or should I quit...)...?

I know that God works in & through ALL things - so in that sense, right and wrong drift to the background and glorifying Him in everything becomes the drive for all I do. Even through my commute from San Diego to Vista, even through the early mornings and the children calling my name every second, even through the continual lesson plans and the figuring out of the simplest things (grocery shopping... mailing... finding the highway...) God is here with me. He is present and He has something for me. He doesn't lead then leave, He doesn't affirm then abandon - He walks with us in all we do.

Today, I am praying for peace to overcome the anxiety. I am praying for His hope to be set in my heart so that I long for more of Him. I pray that when Here doesn't feel like home, that HE would be my Home.

[photos coming soon!]

In All the Change

My life is happening at a pace right now that I can barely keep up with - it feels like I'm swimming underwater at sea level and air is unattainable. Selling everything, packing & moving, roadtripping across the country, turning 29, signing a lease, moving into my own studio apt... Even one of these isolated events would bring a shift in thought and feeling - but all these combined brings waves of chaos. Even when change feels right, it brings its own set of challenge causing fear & doubt to rise to the surface. Was this the right decision? Is this where God wants to grow me? Is it wrong when it feels hard? The questions plague me with indecision that freezes me in even the smallest ways. (For example: Where is the nearest Post Office?! brought on a total and complete crying meltdown...)

As I write, I can hardly articulate the myriad of thoughts provoked by this new change. I guess this is why I pursue change to begin with... it brings me out of the routine of comfort to a place where emotions are charged and wondering/guessing/asking becomes the norm. I gravitate towards this and look forward to a moment where I can be still, breathe, and ask God to connect my heart to His. For today, I am stealing these last two minutes before my first day of work... I do not know what this year will bring or where it will lead... My fearful side tells me it will be useless, but my heart tells me that it will be full.

In all these things, I trust that God is Sovereign, leads my every step, and works all things together for HIS good.

Over and over and over again it is true.