Baby Love.

Welcome to the world, Brayden Michael Heniff.

It's the closest I've come to an Aunt (but I'm still a cousin) - so of course, I'm embracing it.

{9.23.10. Holding him 30 mins old.}

{ahhhhhh little bundle of love!}

{teeny tiny fingers}

{The happy family of 3 :) }

A Year.

I remember this time last year. The feeling of being on the brink of something huuuge. Filled with purpose, direction, freedom. Starry eyes and optimistic hopes.

{Something about the contrast between blooming flowers and bare trees captivated me in this photo. Taken in spring 2010, Santander.}

1 year later I am back. An outsider looking in would notice I've returned to where I've started and it appears mundane. Too normal. Borrrrr.ing.

After coming alive while away, how do I find joy back in the life I fought to escape?

Luckily, last year's adventure has prepared me for now. For this. I'm learning that years do not exist as mutually exclusive moments. They build and build and build....

I know in my spirit I am on the cusp of something bigger than I see... I'm bringing who I was then to who I am now. I've returned to where I've started, but it's different. There's life for me here, and I'm finding it. Slowly.

I was asked the other day: What stirs your affections?

Since being back, I'm discovering identity doing what I love most. Going deeper with what I'm created for and what stirs my affections for Him. Last year paved the foundation in freedom to pursue what gives life to my spirit. Teaching, creative outlets, writing, discovering music, podcasts, Spanish language classes, literature of my choosing, cultural initiatives, investing in community.

My preschoolers' curiosity and personalities bring refreshment to my growing-old spirit. Life filters through their childlike lens, and I approach the world with a new taste of curiosity.I'm familiarizing myself with a city I've always walked, but never really known. Cruising the streets of Chicago feels invigorating. Dreams of an actual life here fill my mind; questions about where I'll be next give energy to the journey. A new home in my home.

{Making time for what I love. More photo work this fall.}

{Laughing is my favorite thing to do. Always. Thankful for life-giving friends who appreciate life's humorous intricacies.}

This year, He's given me time to discover how past years are significant when we use them to bring new meaning to where we are in the present.

What a difference a year can make.

Let's Pause

"We need enormous pockets, pockets big enough for our families and our friends, and even the people who aren't on our lists, people we've never met but still want to protect. We need pockets for boroughs and for cities, a pocket that could hold the universe."

-Jonathan Safran Foer : "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close"

Back-to-School

Leaves are falling and new glue brings excitement.

It's September and back-to-school.

I like being a teacher.

{Classroom boxes unpacked. The most important elementary teacher pre-season task: claiming your posters.}

{The best part of going back to school: new school supplies. Duh.}

{Apple turnovers with Jackie. It's become a tradition. Celebrating fall, friendship, new beginnings, and young freedom. We're both professionals now, but growing-up can wait.}

Made for Greatness

Now that we are both recent grads finding our way in the world, Daniel and I have been committed to fighting the daily grind, and pouring over how to find purpose and life in the everyday. He sent me this quote the other day, and I am stirred:

"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."

- Tim Kizziar

Lately, our conversations evolve around discovering together the prompt in our souls towards something greater. We are seeing how this is more deeply a yearning for what IS great - the only that is great - Him alone.

[1992: Easter Baskets. I'm the bossy older sister, they are the adorable little brothers.]

[Notice: Daniel gets a bank. I get a pencil sharpener. What is this already showing us...???]

If there was ever any doubt - I know God is real when I look at my family. One of the most tangible blessings in my life has been growing up alongside my 2 younger [but not littler] brothers. They have shaped into the most insightful & hilarious & encouraging people in my life. We know each other in a way nobody else can - duh - because we inherited the family quirks, share silly growing-up stories, and dream big for our future lives: the family vacays, the home vids, the in's&out's of our dynamics.

{Me, Mikey, Daniel. This.is.us.}

And it only gets better. Now that we are all in our early-20's, have found a crazy home in Waco, TX, and are learning to navigate the post-college world, our relationships have reached a new level. Daniel & Michael's lives inspire me; they are not content with mediocrity, and they are sold out to Him. I find myself shamelessly bragging about them - how I see God written all over their lives - how He's using them to do something big, mobilize resources, stir our generation, create, design, and go DO. Life looks different to them, to us.

We know He has given us something special. What we do now matters. Having a heavenly mindset changes things. Hearing Him and where He has us is the only thing that will ultimately bring us happiness - the center of His Plan, not ours.

It is a gift to do life with family who have become best friends.

Honestly.

a little piece of me is expecting to hate Chicago. in a few months.

The leaves are starting to fall, which only means winter is that.much.closer.

Remembering the days of numb feet, cold hands, and breath in the air.

The rush from car to building.

Wondering if I have the willpower to survive it all again.

I guess it's only fall now.

I love fall.

I should probably try to enjoy it.

Okay Chicago, I'll give you a chance. Surprise me.

Like Yesterday.

Today I heard the sweet voices of friends I haven't heard since I left Spain. It felt so real - like I was sitting right next to them - about to meet them for a drink, eat a pintxo, or leave for an excursion. We joked about meeting in the middle - mid-Atlantic?

{Javi & Zoe - 2 of my dear friends whom I chatted with today.}

The problem is - that actually IS the midpoint.

I closed my eyes and I was on the pier, watching life pass.

Smelling the ocean.

Remembering home.

And how different life used to be.

Spain.... my memory triggers the beauty and the friendships. It seems I've forgotten the challenges. Perhaps reality is setting in and my memories have made it something it wasn't.

Or maybe life really was that good.

Now... I miss my cross-Atlantic friends. Wish I could discover at the beginning with Suz. Be silly with Ruth. Go on photo outings with J&Z. Laugh with Isa.

When I think about these precious friends, I feel an ache in my soul to be there.

So. I'll have to go back. And I know someday I will.

A Fun Read.

"That's what I love about reading: one tiny thing will interest you in a book, and that tiny thing will lead you onto another book, and another bit there will lead you onto a third book. It's geometrically progressive - all with no end in sight, and for no other reason than sheer enjoyment."

-The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

This book is a treat. Quirky, charming, and witty. You might read it in a day. Might laugh & cry. The characters get in your head.

I recommend.