Weekend Skisteins

Growing up, my parents continually created experiences for our family to be together; vacations are rooted in my memory as the happiest family times. As a child, I longed for family adventures coming in the form of roadtrips to Colorado, a cabin in the mountains of Oregon, volcano hiking in Hawaii, or backpacking/camping on Rock Island. I looked forward to the nights where we would play cards as a family or mornings spent making pancakes; the games on the road were always a highlight, as well as trying new restaurants each night. Everything felt right when we were with one another, cozy and peaceful, because there was nowhere else to go and nothing else to do besides be together.

That same nostalgia for family vacations returns as an adult. For Christmas this year, my dad gave us an Experience instead of a Material Gift... A gorgeous log cabin on the slopes of Keystone, CO... a weekend of being cozy in a lodge whilst shredding the slopes. And when Sibsteins get to Skistein, there's truly nothing better.

On the mountain, Minibar de Mikey was fully stocked, my bro being notorious for holding everything from whiskey to Bailey's in his fannypack, complete with a few flasks of Fireball (for survival purposes) which was passed from person-to-person keeping our insides warm on the frigid lifts. Daniel's skiing tagline "slightly out of control, but having a blast" was in full effect as he raged down moguls and had us all eating the snow off the trail of his skis down blacks. And then Jill, who insists she took "the fall of her life" as she gracefully toppled down the side of a backbowl, which only proved to even out her almost flawless ski-form. And then my Dad, who despite being our earliest ski teacher, consistently held up the rear of our ski train down the mountain "playing it safe to keep his shoulder intact."

We returned each day to a nap by the fire, hot chocolate on the stove, and the sight of snow falling outside the window. There's nothing that could've made the weekend better - except maybe my ski legs being little more prepared or my lungs acclimated - but in the end those are just slight details ;)

We took this same pic on the Bridge 3 years ago! Its become a tradition...
Someday there might even be spouses and babies involved...!

So, its been awhile.

Friends in Mex for NYE

It has been so long since I've been still with my thoughts long enough to allow emotion to be processed into words on a page that feels exposed and vulnerable. I've been hiding from the true exploration of drowned out feelings harbored underneath distractions - avoidance has been a powerful coping mechanism. While 2016 was rang in surrounded by 20 best friends (+family) in a beachside mansion on the coast of Mexico, my heart did not completely match the celebration that surrounded me. No matter how convincing I can force myself to be for my own survival, the despair trapped within me depleted my energy reserves... I had nothing left.

I used to live a life of "no regrets" - regret equated failure, and failure was not an option. Afterall, every missed opportunity or wrong decision can lead to a golden moment of learning, right?! It hasn't been until recently that I've looked back on my breezy attitude towards relationships - moving from one guy to the next with panic at the mention of 'girlfriend' and cutting things off before I had to make a decision for a future event. I hold regret with my self-protecting, independent facade, wishing I had given things a chance long enough to get my heart involved. As 30 approaches, I have been met with the question - what is one thing I want in this last year of my 20's?! Others mention travel destinations or career changes... but I mention Heartbreak. My friends gasp at such an absurd answer- why wish for something so sad??! But the thing about heartbreak is that it marks a change in the way I approach relationships: Opening myself instead of Closing, saying Yes instead of No, committing instead of running. I knew that for me, heartbreak means I truly gave myself to something, risked, and allowed it to penetrate this walled-up heart of mine.

Sibsteins in Mexico

Beautiful NYE dinner

Only a few days into 2016, I received this wish. Only it hurt so much more than the formerly romantic idea floating around my brain. I tried to pretend it wasn't there, or that I didn't care, or that I had moved on... but reality proved the opposite. Now that I'm a few weeks removed, I am learning gratitude. In the past, I never thought I would reach this point - wanting to give my heart away and risk the hurt that it may entail - but I am. I don't want to hold onto relationship regret anymore; I want to see things through until a clear decision can be made. 2016 is my year of Trust - I want to trust someone else - and more importantly - I want to trust God, knowing that He sees it all and holds it close; that He loves and protects and has only good things to come.