"The ability to recognize desire and longing is the beginning of the spiritual journey because it opens up the possibility of choosing to order our lives more intentionally around what it is that our heart most wants."
I am reminded lately of the importance of rhythms of life - ordering your day around that which is filling - mind, body, and soul - instead of that which is draining. Our hearts most deeply desire love and intimacy with God. How do we foster this desire on a daily basis? What do I do to create fundamental levels of change and growth - that which leads to transformation?
It is easier sometimes to put life on auto-pilot and go where the day takes you... to let circumstances or people control the minutes of my day, which add up to the moments of my life. Intentionality means creating a focal point by which to live. It means that you are the sum of the decisions you make - and at the end of the day, you assume responsibility for how great or terrible your life turns out. I want to live with the big picture in mind; realizing that day-by-day I have opportunities to turn towards or away from God.
It might not always feel like that in the mundane clockwork of my job, or the routine of mornings and afternoons. It doesn't always feel like I am cultivating a heart of love for God in cleaning dishes or folding laundry or washing floors or loving enemies or cold calling students. This doesn't always feel life-giving or refreshing or fun. But, there is a way to live in worship through all these things. It takes intentionality to remember that, in the words of Buechner, "His message is not written out in starlight, which in the long run would make no difference; rather it is written out for each of us in the humdrum, helter-skelter events of each day..."
It is here in these daily rhythms that He offers us glimpses of who He is and the life He has for us. In our human selves, it is easy to overlook and pass by. It is easier still to see each day as the sum of our accomplishments or obligations. But this is not the life I choose. I desire to create mystery and intrigue in the mundane, to wonder about God and who He is, to enter into His presence creatively seeking Him and only Him - not the gold star or check-off for doing my spiritual task of the day. It is bringing him my heart that He is delighted. As Song of Solomon proclaims: "You have ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes." He loves us that much - He loves us with a love that sees us for who we are - not in our shortcomings or lack - but in the fullness to which He has created us to be.
For me, I purposely try to order my day around rhythms of being alone and being with people. In my times of quiet, I often run or do yoga as worship; I journal or go for a walk or listen to a podcast or our Bible in a Year plan. I pray and ask God to put something on my heart that is from Him. In being with people, I think about the things going on in their life so that I can be specific and ask good questions; it is taking adventures and seeking beauty alongside Benjamin, and it is serving our community whether hosting a brunch or dinner, stepping in to help a friend, or inviting others into our home in any way we can.
Transformation comes in consistent step to these rhythms - not in a day or two here or there scattered throughout the year. It comes in the daily choice to fight what culture says will earn me status and the lies I listen to that say I'm not good enough. It is a discipline to choose what is right and good for my soul, which is dissonant to the loud and hurried life I am so tempted to conform to.
It is here, in the mundane-ness of my day that these thoughts arise as I make room for them to breathe. It is here in a seemingly unpurposeful moment that words surface and come into strands of sentences. For me, if I continue to listen to the urging of my Spirit bringing me to write, I will find rest and peace and understanding.
I live for these times when the sentence that resonates is: "I want my life to have more moments like this." Today, this is one of them. The love I have for Benjamin in celebrating his birthday today, the fullness of a weekend spent with best friends, and the anticipation of our little one to come in June - the mystery and unknown of it all. It is an exciting time and I am so grateful God chose me to live this life.
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