February 6, 2018
Our love story started in the unforeseen pathways of the internet. Two people swiping left and right thinking there was no chance for love. She initiated a conversation and he responded and the conversation felt like a series of “me too” moments that seemed too good to be true. Meeting for the first time over drinks, there was a kindness in his eyes that felt contagious, a softness in his demeanor that showed me he was genuine, and a delight for life revealing a sense of adventure. The next few weeks were a series of happy hours, sunsets, bike rides, dinners, and enjoying the good things of life together. He listened and smiled and would never let me open a door for myself. It was in his calm, consistent, and patient way that I found myself daydreaming about being with him, missing him, and imagining our life together. He read my blog and showed interest in my heart and the depth of who I am. He told me I had a “heart of gold” which I had never heard before in my life. He invited me to Mexico with his friends and drove two hours across the border twice to come get me. He told me his intentions, that he was All In, a phrase I only knew from the movies. He assured me he would never want to hurt me, and if I ran away he would run after me. The way he looked at me showed me that he respected me. There was a safety, security, and ease with life with him. Day by day, it only got better, until I realized I couldn’t imagine going on without him. When he left for work trips, he made me scavenger hunts around the house; when I took naps at his house after work, he surprised me with gifts that I never expected. He woke up before the sunrise to meet me for coffee and he left work early to catch a sunset. The world became a place filled with beauty alongside him; like seeing it full of opportunities and adventures I didn’t think existed. He made me a picnic and said I love you while flying kites in a park overlooking the city- a love I never knew I could feel. More than anything, Benjamin filled my world with hope - hope in the goodness of God and His faithfulness to always provide. I didn’t think he was possible, I didn’t think a man like Benjamin could exist, but there he was in front of me, showing me that he was waiting for me. One step at a time, his gentleness caused my heart to fill to the fullest. That summer, we drove up highway 1, camping in Big Sur, beach’ing in Santa Barbara, and biking the Golden Gate Bridge. He gave me the greatest gift of my life and proposed just days before my 30th birthday over wine and cheese at our favorite sunset spot near his house. He flew in some of my favorite people and he surprised me with a celebration at a local wine bar. More than the greatest love of my life, Benjamin is my best friend. He is my teammate and partner, he is the one who listens and loves me at my worst, and cheers me on to be my best. In so many ways, it is hard to see what life was like before him, because I know he was always there, I just didn’t realize it. He was there in my dreams and my wishes and all the desires I have for my life. He was there in the break-ups with men who caused me to cry desperately at night and the prayers for a man who would see me for who I am. He existed in those moments, when the future was unknown and I remained hopeless and afraid. He was out there, like everyone promised he was. There is no Life Before Ben and Life With Ben, because you were always there - waiting for me and the day we would meet. Our love is the solemate kind of love; the kind that makes everything in the world feel right because you can’t imagine it going on with these two people apart.
Tacos in Baja, surf mornings in Cardiff, breakfast in our nook, bike rides to church, the Coaster up to North County, dinners with friends, hiking in Hawaii, walks on Adams Ave, cheeseboards in the park, pool days in Palm Springs, concerts in Laguna Beach, driving a fiat through Tuscany, wine tasting in the south of France, brunch in LA, miami vices in Cabo... these are the adventures of our first year of marriage. Just when I think my heart will burst if it loves you any more, I realize that it stretches far beyond what I thought possible - that I love you more and more and more each day. In so many ways, my life actually started when I met you, like starting at the beginning of a story that hadn’t been written yet. Life only gets better because YOU have shown me what life is really about. You have taught me that I am adored and cherished, that I am loved for who I am, exactly how I am. You have paved a way for me to be vulnerable and honest, and you have stepped alongside me in those moments when it feels so scary.
As we look ahead to starting a family together, I know there is nobody else in the world who will be a more perfect fit to Father our child. I pray he learns what I have come to learn in you - that your strong and sensitive heart will show him God’s great love, your kindness for others reveals character, integrity, and compassion, and that your quest for beauty shows him that life is a grand adventure to be had. Our son is already the luckiest little boy in the world with you as his daddy, and I plan to remind him of that even when we both become “old and uncool.”
I love you more than life itself - and day by day you bring meaning to my world. I cannot thank you enough for choosing me not just in our vows, but every day. For sacrificing for me, and giving me the world. Ours is a love that I know will only grow year after year, baby after baby (only 3 times!), and travel after travel. I am your confidant and will stand by your side through everything. I will fight for us and choose to always believe the best in you. I am your one & only, in and through it all. I love being in the world as a Knisely, it is the greatest honor and most cherished gift. You are - always & forever - the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
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