Lately, I have recalled the journey of the ancient Camino
route – the one through which much of my life the past 3 ½ years has been
formed. The life I walk today is only because of the path I walked in Spain. With
February 18th approaching closer and closer, I have not made time to
give my ever-pending thesis the energy and thought I desire to devote. It feels
like a trapped door through which I am planning my escape; a hidden secret brewing
inside and waiting to rise to the surface free to take shape. Once one walks
the Camino, it becomes so inherently a part of his or her perspective on life, it
seems the themes consistently work and rework life itself - through decisions
and circumstances and reactions and relationships.
As I prepare to be a wife, I can’t help but look back on
that 26-year-old me with a 10lb backpack, the world in front of my eyes and the
beauty absolutely astounding and crushing all at once. Life felt simple, it
felt light, and it felt free. Possibilities loomed, opportunities presented,
and risks were taken. When I think about the wedding, I carry this with me:
this idea that it is not about the details or the “things”; it is not about the
fluff and stuff; it is about the journey of life with Benjamin. It is about
being with him, committing my life to him, and making a promise for forever.
As Ben and I reviewed the wedding liturgy over Facetime with
my brother Michael, my dear youngest brother who will officiate our covenant, he
reminded us that the tradition of marriage and the ceremony through which it
happens is one that all may recognize
and experience as sacred. A lifelong promise of commitment to another is one of
the truest reflections of the Gospel; Jesus’s reconciliation and grace and
commitment to pursue and love and never leave us. As we signed our lives to one
another at the courthouse last Saturday, it almost felt too easy to be married.
You mean anyone can do this?! No personality tests or compatibility questions
or…. therapy involved?! Just a piece of paper with two names that becomes a
legal document stating you’re married. If it’s that easy – why don’t we just leave
the ceremonial pieces of marriage behind, skip the liturgy, and be married because
the piece of paper says we are married?! Because the process and words and vows
spoken at a wedding are a deeply engrained piece of cultures across the world; the
recognition and participation of your most beloved people surrounding you – the
I Do’s and the Yes’s and the pronouncement of being One – there is something in
that process that feels right. And that – that moment – is the one I look
towards. I have never made a lifetime promise before – and I will admit the
idea of a Forever Yes used to be scary & vulnerable feeling – but somehow
when I met Benjamin it didn’t feel so big or terrible sounding anymore. In fact
- quite the opposite: the desire of my heart fulfilled and the deepest sense of
joy awaiting a future with Ben for all that lies ahead.
Moving towards marriage, the Camino remains a part of me,
ever nudging me to step-by-step walk the route to Santiago. It isn’t in the
arrival that matters – it’s in the day-by-day time and choices and people - the
new journey begins when we get there. The wedding itself is exciting because it
is the mark of our beginning, the day we commemorate our promises alongside
family and friends, and the party that we get to throw together with all our
best people. That is what I look towards right now… and that is really the only
thing that matters.
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