On Engagement

Between trips to Home Depot and trips to the Beach, this wedding will be accomplished [slowly… surely.] When I get nervous that I’m not “doing enough” for the wedding, I realize that it’s probably a result of giving everyone else the tasks to do for me ;) Ben is graciously building us our Pinterest-inspired wedding arbor, Suzy had the vision and the artistic detailing behind our invites, and my mom is going to be folding programs and stuffing favors when she arrives to town. That leaves me with… the meetings. Last week was makeup, this week is hair followed by wedding coordinator, and next week is catering and finalizing numbers and last-minute everythings.

The best part is: when I think about the past 6 months, I don’t think about wedding planning. I think about the preparation that goes into merging two lives into one… mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We have worked through our personal preferences, learning to lay down one for the other; we have discussed communication styles and managing conflict; practiced listening and greater depths of selflessness. In so many ways, it is hard to remember what life was like Before Benjamin – he has fulfilled a piece of my dreams and desires in a way I didn’t know existed.

Stepping into being Ben’s wife is what I was created to do… I want to serve him and build a life with him. It is interesting how desires change over time –10 years ago I would’ve labeled marriage as settling – sacrificing dreams of travel and life abroad and buying whatever I want - basically every bit of selfishness that resides within me. But that’s exactly it. While I still have those selfish tendencies, it is my heart to be refined not only as a wife, but as a follower of Christ. And the adventure becomes so much richer that way – so much more beautiful when it is more about him and Him than it is about me. It is more full than I ever thought it could be because happiness comes with the people you spend life with, not with experiential highs or things to store in my closet or knowledge gained. 

Engagement has been an irreplaceable learning experience and when I impatiently want to wish it away, I realize that it is exactly in this anticipation that growth happens. I have fallen more in love with Ben than I ever knew possible – and this journey is just the beginning. That’s the most exciting part.