Being Engaged

I always wondered what it would feel like to be engaged… after the first week at work with by-the-minute ring distractions followed by the initial excitement of calling him fiancé – the rest is really just a question of what am I supposed to be doing right now…??! And – where do I begin?!

We took the first month to Be Engaged – having guarded ourselves (as much as we could…!) from actually talking about the wedding before we were in motion of engagement – it suddenly felt so free to talk about a When instead of an If.  Being engaged is one of the most deliberate steps we had taken to start making decisions together – and the second month of engagement bred unforeseen stress with merging two lives into one. Planning for marriage isn’t always natural or easy – we are both learning that it takes grace, selflessness and most of all – sacrifice. Instead of it being His home, it turned into Our home; instead of My future, it turns into Our future. While building a life together is perhaps the most beautiful thing you can do with someone… it is not just lovey engagement pictures and registering for fancy kitchen gadgets. It is putting in the hard work to discuss conflict and communication; expectations and attitudes. Pre-marital counseling digs up the scripts we carry from our own families, while looking ahead to how we want to form our own.

Engagement is also the most intimate I have felt with Benjamin – knowing his heart inside & out, and learning what makes him tick is what I commit my life to doing. What I know of him now is only a fraction of what I hope to know of him in coming years. Doing life right beside him is the best – and planning for a forever with him brings me more joy than I ever thought possible. We have surpassed the venue and dress and Guest List stage, and moved onto the more exciting things – like ice-cream cookie sandwich testing and cake samples… nom! Next weekend I have a shower in Chicago with my dear sister friends, and I also just purchased a skirt that is perfect for our honeymoon. Having always wondered where I would be and what I would be doing while wedding planning, there are often moments when I pause and wonder if this is really happening. Most days I feel like a little girl playing dress-up and pretend – just dreaming of my Someday and playing make-believe until it happens. The whole process is surreal in the craziest, most beautiful way – and even though I countdown the days where I am actually married to my Benjamin, I also relish in the in-between time spent planning, wishing, and anticipating being a wife. There’s nobody else I would rather do this with than him, and I am daily in awe of God’s faithfulness to give me this man I have prayed for my whole life.