Back in Chicago

O’hare has been the location for my Returning Home feelings my whole life – it has seen college homesickness, international traveling nerves, friend reunion tears… it is the place I feel the energy of the city or the coming comfort of the suburbs; bustling holiday travels, Camino preparation, moving out-of-state, bringing home my boyfriend. Though there is a familiarity in the scents and the smells and the people; there is also a curiosity of which feelings will arise stepping off that plane. Chicago will always be home… but even home sometimes feels foreign in certain ways.

This trip, everything felt right about being back in Chicago (minus not having Ben with me L The worst part of all!) A dose of fall, a gathering of friends, slumber parties and baking; returning to our old spots, discovering new ones, and just plain ol’ hanging out. I’ve needed time with these girls… I’ve needed the space to be with the people who know where I’ve been and love me on the journey. I’ve craved heart chats and laughs and adventures… I realize that these days spent with my best girls seem farther and farther apart. Somewhere in the transition of weddings and babies and re-locations, the ease of seeing people after work or lazy Sundays on the couch are so infrequent… and the moments when we can all be together are memories frozen in time to be thankful for in coming years.

While a lot of the wedding still feels surreal -- it is also starting to feel more put in motion with my girlfriends’ celebrations and support. Talking bridesmaid dresses and colors and wedding dreams makes it feel less like a made-up fantasy and more like decisions that are our very own.

The best thing about this whole process is the freedom to dream about life with Benjamin. One of the pros of getting married in my 30’s is the wisdom and experience my married friends can pass along to me. Through the pieces of advice and snippets of their learning, it makes me that much more excited for life with my best friend – for the waking up and going to sleep and all the in-between passing-by moments that make life so fun. I know without a doubt that Benjamin is my person  and having him is the greatest gift of my life – not necessarily for the grandiose adventures (although we do plan to have those!), but for the day-to-day smiles and conversations and meals and cuddles that we share together. Being with my girls brought the anticipation and joy for the rest of my life with Benjamin to the surface – a life I am so excited to share with him.

I know marriage is hard work – I know it takes choosing that person everyday and committing to love them the way they need to be loved – it takes not assuming you know them, but continuing to seek him out and understand his heart. All of this is talk until it’s put in motion – and I want to remember these things. Life is about pointing each other to Christ and letting Him grow each of us into his marvelous creation – not through the lens of our own imperfections, but through the identity God has placed on each of us. Out of the many things I love about Ben, one that comes to mind is his heart to pursue truth and not settle for less than what God has for him. He challenges me to grow and to soften my heart to what Christ is doing. I know that in all things, a marriage centered on God means looking to Him instead of myself, absorbing his Truth and his Word, and serving Ben from a place of genuine joy. I am thankful for grace in the learning process, forgiveness for when I mess up,  and peace that only comes from God.