The things I've learned this summer:
I really really love being a mom and have accepted this part of my Identity. It is not the entirety of who I am, but a piece of me has come alive in this calling in a way nothing else could've shaped me.
Parenting a toddler is fun and challenging - but in ways so much more enjoyable than a newborn. Maybe I wasn't made for newborn life... but last summer was SO hard. The adjustment to being a mom, the lack of sleep, the postpartum hormones, the newborn that can't wear sunscreen, the labor recovery, the thought of not returning to work, the new rhythm, the loneliness, the constant questioning if I was equipped, the breastfeeding, the screamy cries lasting for hours, the nighttime swaddling and rocking and feeding, the claustrophobic sense of being with a tiny human and no adults all day, the homesickness, the paralyzing "should's" from everyone, the sleep training, the EVERYTHING. In ways, if I could have another child and skip the newborn phase, I probably would. Or at least cancel out the first 3 months??? I am incredibly thankful for this summer with Jack. For pool days and library storytimes and park strolls, and beach evenings with a picnic and chasing seagulls and Daddy. This summer with a toddler in tow has been magical!
It's okay not to travel. In the past, it has felt like we would have a trip at least every month. This year, we slowed down a bit - a little due to focusing our funds and energy into yard-making, but also because it is no longer too relaxing to travel with an active child. We have done day trips here and there to give us our fix, but nothing too long or far away. And it opened up the opportunity for us to truly enjoy the beauty and settle into the simplicity of SD life.
I can live anywhere when I have friends. I used to take Jack on walks around the neighborhood and pray that God would give me just one friend. I'm not asking for too much over here, just one - I would tell Him. He knows the desires of my heart and has given me not one but TWO of my best mom friends here in Clairemont. Walking over to the Busches for a Sunday hang of hot dogs and beers last night made me feel that much more connected and grateful. It doesn't matter where you live as long as there is community.
Ben makes it possible for me to thrive. Parenting is such a game of teamwork. We need communication and support and to love one another in the ways that deeply speak to each other. I couldn't do each day without Ben. He taps in when I tap out. We look for ways to serve one another. We are growing in the process.
Finished is more important than perfect. It used to be difficult for me to start things if I knew it couldn't be perfect. Sometimes this led to me staying up way too late on a project and other times it led to not starting anything at all. With new time constraints and continual interruptions and a child who gets into literally everything, I don't have time to make things perfect. Whether it's cleaning the kitchen or working out or writing a card or making dinner or writing a blog post or planning for my upcoming classes, I used to tell myself that it was never enough. Do more and work harder. While I strive to do excellent work, I have learned to be honest with how much time I can devote to things. Some days a 10 minute yoga youtube is all I can do... and that's okay. 5 minutes of reading before bed is better than nothing. And sending the gift is better than waiting for the most perfect and thoughtful item to come along (then subsequently send it late...). I still really want to make family photobooks and the perfectionistic feeling is REAL. I am learning to just get it done instead of make every photo edited and flow together with the next one. I'm a work in progress in this area!
It's more work to get out of the house, but it's always worth it. Somedays it's crazy - between Jack not napping and the endless trying-to-do-it-all. But if I can plan one fun outing for us, it puts myself and Jack in a better mood. It feels more adventurous and more lifegiving. Our favorite things to do together are: Fanuel Street Park, La Jolla library, Communal Coffee (kids area), San Diego Zoo, Children's Museum, PB Tuesday Farmer's Market, Mt. Etna Street Park, Waterfront Park, Little Italy/Lofty Coffee, Mom Hangs at the Pool, Trader Joe's (yes it's an outing)... and now that school is back in session we will plan to go for walks on Mission Beach boardwalk again (otherwise it's too full of tourists!) - if/when Jack decides he likes the stroller again. Ugh.
Waking up early is always worth it, too. On the days I have gotten up before Jack, everything seems more palatable. The morning is when my brain is the most fresh, the most ready and primed for the day. I sit outside with my journal. I watch the leaves wave in the morning air. I pray. I drink coffee while it's hot. I settle into the day in a more peaceful way than a screaming toddler. This is something I aspire to make more of a habit and integrate into my daily routine.
I used to sense the deepest inspiration from urban environments and traveling, which is not my reality right now. So looking for ways to grow on a daily basis is a discipline I am always trying to lean into.
I really really love being a mom and have accepted this part of my Identity. It is not the entirety of who I am, but a piece of me has come alive in this calling in a way nothing else could've shaped me.
Parenting a toddler is fun and challenging - but in ways so much more enjoyable than a newborn. Maybe I wasn't made for newborn life... but last summer was SO hard. The adjustment to being a mom, the lack of sleep, the postpartum hormones, the newborn that can't wear sunscreen, the labor recovery, the thought of not returning to work, the new rhythm, the loneliness, the constant questioning if I was equipped, the breastfeeding, the screamy cries lasting for hours, the nighttime swaddling and rocking and feeding, the claustrophobic sense of being with a tiny human and no adults all day, the homesickness, the paralyzing "should's" from everyone, the sleep training, the EVERYTHING. In ways, if I could have another child and skip the newborn phase, I probably would. Or at least cancel out the first 3 months??? I am incredibly thankful for this summer with Jack. For pool days and library storytimes and park strolls, and beach evenings with a picnic and chasing seagulls and Daddy. This summer with a toddler in tow has been magical!
It's okay not to travel. In the past, it has felt like we would have a trip at least every month. This year, we slowed down a bit - a little due to focusing our funds and energy into yard-making, but also because it is no longer too relaxing to travel with an active child. We have done day trips here and there to give us our fix, but nothing too long or far away. And it opened up the opportunity for us to truly enjoy the beauty and settle into the simplicity of SD life.
I can live anywhere when I have friends. I used to take Jack on walks around the neighborhood and pray that God would give me just one friend. I'm not asking for too much over here, just one - I would tell Him. He knows the desires of my heart and has given me not one but TWO of my best mom friends here in Clairemont. Walking over to the Busches for a Sunday hang of hot dogs and beers last night made me feel that much more connected and grateful. It doesn't matter where you live as long as there is community.
Ben makes it possible for me to thrive. Parenting is such a game of teamwork. We need communication and support and to love one another in the ways that deeply speak to each other. I couldn't do each day without Ben. He taps in when I tap out. We look for ways to serve one another. We are growing in the process.
Finished is more important than perfect. It used to be difficult for me to start things if I knew it couldn't be perfect. Sometimes this led to me staying up way too late on a project and other times it led to not starting anything at all. With new time constraints and continual interruptions and a child who gets into literally everything, I don't have time to make things perfect. Whether it's cleaning the kitchen or working out or writing a card or making dinner or writing a blog post or planning for my upcoming classes, I used to tell myself that it was never enough. Do more and work harder. While I strive to do excellent work, I have learned to be honest with how much time I can devote to things. Some days a 10 minute yoga youtube is all I can do... and that's okay. 5 minutes of reading before bed is better than nothing. And sending the gift is better than waiting for the most perfect and thoughtful item to come along (then subsequently send it late...). I still really want to make family photobooks and the perfectionistic feeling is REAL. I am learning to just get it done instead of make every photo edited and flow together with the next one. I'm a work in progress in this area!
It's more work to get out of the house, but it's always worth it. Somedays it's crazy - between Jack not napping and the endless trying-to-do-it-all. But if I can plan one fun outing for us, it puts myself and Jack in a better mood. It feels more adventurous and more lifegiving. Our favorite things to do together are: Fanuel Street Park, La Jolla library, Communal Coffee (kids area), San Diego Zoo, Children's Museum, PB Tuesday Farmer's Market, Mt. Etna Street Park, Waterfront Park, Little Italy/Lofty Coffee, Mom Hangs at the Pool, Trader Joe's (yes it's an outing)... and now that school is back in session we will plan to go for walks on Mission Beach boardwalk again (otherwise it's too full of tourists!) - if/when Jack decides he likes the stroller again. Ugh.
Waking up early is always worth it, too. On the days I have gotten up before Jack, everything seems more palatable. The morning is when my brain is the most fresh, the most ready and primed for the day. I sit outside with my journal. I watch the leaves wave in the morning air. I pray. I drink coffee while it's hot. I settle into the day in a more peaceful way than a screaming toddler. This is something I aspire to make more of a habit and integrate into my daily routine.
I used to sense the deepest inspiration from urban environments and traveling, which is not my reality right now. So looking for ways to grow on a daily basis is a discipline I am always trying to lean into.
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| Jack in the 5pm light. |
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| I just want to stare at this photo all day. My two best guys right here. |
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| Pirate booty keeping Jack occupied past his naptime at the beach. |
Wonderful post! So honest and open. I love the photo of Jack lying on Benjamin. For what it's worth, my not-even-two-cents worth, y'all are doing great, as far as I can tell.
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