The Greatest Gift

The thought in the back of my mind that maybe someday I would get married has always been just that – a thought. A mere imagining of the future, for how I would like it to be with no sign of possibility in reality. This desire seemed increasingly more impossible on every painful first date, terrible friend-zoned phone call, and hopeless online swiping. With attempts to bring encouragement, friends unceasingly set me up with their “one single friend,” telling me that “every guys leads to the next” and “it’s worth it to wait.” Having been in fourteen weddings by the age of 29 without ever having been in a relationship myself, I started to wonder if perhaps the very thing I wanted most wasn’t in fact meant for me.

I scoffed at the claim “when you know, you know,” rolling my eyes in disgust at this improbable sensation of “knowing.” The lovey-dovey couples were annoying, and the idea that you would sign-up for the rest of your life with one single person seemed absurd. What it would take for me, was a man who would patiently win over my heart one small step at a time, and who would give me the space to be my complete self. I knew that breaking down my defenses wouldn’t be easy, that accepting my insecurities would present challenge, and that learning to love somebody for exactly who they are would be scary.

When I met Benjamin, my whole world flipped. From the start, he knew what he wanted and he wasn’t going to let me go. Countless times he told me that if I ran away, he would run after me just as fast. He assured me that no part of me was too much for him, and that he would never leave me, no matter what. For the first month of our relationship, I was pretty convinced that he thought these things because he didn’t deeply know me yet. I sat him down and tried to explain my “issues,” convinced that the lingering lie would be confirmed: I was unlovable. When my diatribe was finished, he looked at me with eyes that suggested “so……?” and asked me in kindness what exactly the issue was? The second month of our relationship was an ongoing pattern of trying to figure out why he was still “all in” and what that even meant. His consistent love and patience replaced my fear, and Ben provided a space for me to be my most honest, vulnerable, and whole self. Love turned out to be a whole lot less scary than I initially thought because of this man who relentlessly pursued me and fought for my heart.

As Ben knelt before me on August 5th -- two days before I turned 30 -- at our favorite sunset spot, I said Yes to the very best man I have ever met. He’s the man I have prayed and hoped and longed for all these years… the very one I have waited for and would wait 20 more years if I knew I was getting him. He won my heart with who he is, and he has made me the happiest girl alive. It also took me a few days to recover from the element of complete shock and a foreign sense of elation I had never experienced before.

When my friends come to me now, discouraged by the dating scene and frustration with the seemingly extreme lack of options, it is my desire to bring them Hope. If God can bring me to Ben, He can do the Impossible for anyone. And in this moment, when life seems like it can’t get better, I remind myself of my Forever with Ben knowing that in five years we will love each other even more than we do now, in 20 years we will have had more adventures than we could ever have thought up, and in 40+ years we will have lived a lifetime learning how to serve one another more and more like Christ.

To me, Ben is a picture of God’s love, and perhaps that is the best part of all. God must truly love me to bring me him; He is a Father who wants to give good gifts to his children. He has surprised me in the best of ways with this one- a slight glimpse of heaven here on earth. I truly can’t wait to marry this man!