Wheaton Goodbyes

For me, there is nothing more difficult than saying goodbye... Letting one chapter end and another begin. Leading up to Baylor graduation, merely walking into our apt at Crescent Plex brought a lump to my throat, leading me to tears with the weight of leaving. How could life get better than living with your best friends in a quirky town like Waco where the biggest stress was which group of friends to hangout with on a Friday?! The following year, I was led into a spiral of Identity Crisis, longing with sentimentality for the carefree days of college, while simultaneously being thrust into a world that required an Adult version of myself, one that had yet to develop. When you are living those blissful golden years, it's hard to notice that it someday might change... Time seems to freeze in place, as if perhaps it will continue like it is forever.

But all of a sudden it's seven years later and I am graduating with a master's from Wheaton College - a journey that has changed me in ways I never could've predicted. My word for the past two years is Gift. I am learning what it means to live in gratitude as I pay attention to the working of God around me. Through learning the history of the church & traditions of our spiritual mothers and fathers, I understand what the spirit-driven process of forming the inner world to become like Christ really means. As I dug deep into my family of origin, I mourned losses and celebrated victories, struggled with the past and found hope in the future, and - most importantly - began to understand in a profoundly new way the reconciliation and renewal of Christ. Systematic theology courses intimidated me, philosophy of education classes reworked me, and counseling classes fed me. I utilized tools in quantitative and qualitative research that I never knew existed. I wrote paper on paper in the depths of the library, digging into topics like imagination, child formation, teaching for transformation, and courageous living. I quoted CS Lewis, watched days of Tolkien, and read Chesterton, T.S Eliot, and Nouwen. I learned that leadership is more about service than about strength. I explored who God created me to be, and how to be a good steward of what He's given me. I wrestled with calling, strengths, gifts, compassion, needs, desires, hurts, and loves. My professors poured into me, brought clarity to undefined topics, and were FOR me as a learner and person, no matter my questions. I made three close friends in the process of school - friends that uplifted me, encouraged me, held hands with me, and loved me. I carry these dears with me even as the program ends. This program has constantly pushed me into states of disequilibrium where I am challenged to define what it is I believe after critical analysis, biblical interpretation, and stimulating discussion.

I leave this program changed. I am not who I was when I started. I worship God in ways I never knew before and I now see how ALL of Creation points to Him.

In a few short weeks I exit the world of graduate school (thesis pending) and jump into Whatever Is Next. When I was debating whether or not to go to Wheaton, my dear friend Sonja told me: "Rebecca, dare to dream outside the Kindergarten classroom." This is certainly what my time away from the classroom has been about: daring to dream. My prayer is for this idea to materialize as I make next steps. I have a life and friends, family and job waiting for me here in Chicago... I don't know where daring to dream could lead next, but I am open.

“The voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation 

is the voice that we might think we should listen to least, 

and that is the voice of our own gladness.”

/ Frederick Buechner, Graduation Address