Him over Me

I was once asked [most likely on a first date] what the majority of my thoughts during the day revolve around. While I wish my slightly intelligent AND holy (!) response of - I mostly debate the theological implications of soteriology and how that plays out in the various denominational views, was the reality... could be true - I hate to admit the reality is  that my Thought Life revolves around the constant nebula of My Future. When will I finish my master's? What will I do on Friday? I have to text/call so-and-so. Do I really want to stay in this job? What would life look like to move out? Will I ever get married? 

It's no wonder that so many of the spiritual disciplines call us to the present and root us in the moment. As I write my thesis, I realize this is precisely what pilgrimage does for the individual - it calls one to live life as it is Right Now. I gravitate towards pilgrimage because my soul knows I need it. One of my favorite authors on spiritual disciplines,Adele Calhoun, has this to say about Silence:

"As you quietly offer your body you can hone your listening reflexes. There is nothing you need to do here. This is not a time to come up with strategies for fixing your life. Silence is a time to rest in God. Lean into God, trusting that being with him in silence will loosen your rootedness in the world and plant you by streams of living water. It can form your life even if it doesn't solve your life. The anonymous author of The Way of the Pilgrim wrote, 'I need peace and silence to give free play to this quickening flame of prayer.' Let the silence lead you to prayer."

I want to want God more than I want my plans. I want to see Him more than I see myself. I want to trust Him more so that my future doesn't seem like a dark looming question mark to answer, rather a beckoning to turn my eyes to His work and thank Him for this life I get to live. I want to remember that only He is life to my soul in a way nothing else can ever be.