Even now as I steer myself around the Denver airport with the familiar extension of my back resting on my shoulders, my home for the next three weeks, the pack that consistently reminds me how little I need to live and causes me to shed less and less- it doesn't feel real.
This was never the Camino return I expected and to say I wasn't hesitant to re-join pilgrim life in this capacity would be a lie.
[ ^ surprise bday celebration with roomies before leaving ]
Over the past few weeks people have asked me if I am excited and what I feel and what it will be like to return. I know what I should feel going back to this country that feels like home & this route that changed my life, but what do I actually feel??!
It is a road I have seen, a lifestyle I know; and yet a path I have yet to walk. Observing someone else's journey, walking with Chicago friends, producing a short film and working sound... It is a journey I do not know along a medieval road that I can't seem to escape. It beckons me back and my only choice is to say yes. It's least expected, unprepared, and slightly inconveniently wedged between my brother's wedding and the start of school... the timing feels so specific that I can't help but think there's a reason I am going in this moment for a specific purpose.
[ ^ the team. Sound mixer, co-producer, DP ]
The truth is I am not lacking emotions, rather my mind & heart are an entire mess of emotions; too many to feel one way or the next. But the journey continues on, moving forward with courage, knowing that I am walking into a beautiful gift of the Camino with its road of challenges and triumphs, anticipating the people I will meet and experiences yet to be lived, excited/anxious/overwhelmed/scared... In wonder and awe at the great God to whom I point this journey.
Thanks beyond thanks with a full heart. And a BUEN CAMINO.
Until Logrono...
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[ ^ O'Hare. Where the journey began for these two a week ago... ]
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