34 is

-learning from this time of pause. Learning presence, appreciation of the simple things, and finding rest.

- spit up on the shoulder, breastmilk everywhere, and endless loads of laundry.

- figuring out how to discipline a two-year old while attending to a infant while battling my eyes wanting to close over and over again.

- facemasks, global uncertainty, sometimes fear, but trying to trust.

- recognizing the gifts of the everyday. Remembering that what I have now is all I have ever wished for.

- growing with Ben. Learning how to be parents to two. Finding time together on the patio for an after-dinner-post-bedtime drink, playing cards, and watching videos of our talkative little Jack.

- noticing wrinkles around the face and getting on a new skincare regimen.

- coffee in the morning, iced latte in the afternoon,  always an extra shot when I get the chance.

- community. Leading a community group and doing life together with neighbors in Clairemont. Raising littles, digging into our marriage, and googling everything in-between.

- gathering around our new table Ben recently made and finding a new flow in our home.

- trying to stay off social media. Nothing very good comes from it.

- a confidence and identity in my role as Mother. Feeling deeply grateful for this calling and my two little guys.

- embracing the body that has done the miracle work of birthing two children and carried me for 34 years. It has changed and evolved. It is magic. 

- overwhelming and chaotic. Finding new ways to get alone time and recharge. Solo mornings with Ben sometimes happen and sometimes don't - but when they do, I feel more connected and alive.

- singing Police Car on repeat and going to sleep with Blippi songs cycling through my head.

- making goals to accept the Today. Not wish it different or change it any way, but acknowledge that this is Life Right Now and it is challenging, but transformative. The story I write now is the story I will write someday. It is all connected and it is all part of growing up. It is a continual journey of growth.