We Have a One-Year Old!

In so many ways it is hard to believe our little Jack turned one! When I think about who I was a year ago and who I am now, in some ways it feels like I am a completely different person. I don't know myself without being Jack's mom anymore; it is so infused in my identity. The learning curve over the past year has been like nothing I can relate to in the past. A constant series of questions and figuring out and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. It is all with the best intentions for our little Jack, because we want to give him the very best.

The first few months of Jack were hard. Really hard. In ways I don't think I could put into words then, because at the time it was just Life. But in hindsight I see how the lack of sleep infiltrated into my feelings and day-to-day routines. Around four months I got on my knees and begged God to allow Jack to sleep through the night; and by some divine miracle that night he actually did sleep through the night. But this also was the kickstart to our sleep training, which completely changed my perspective and capacity to do daily life. The next six months were so much more fun, even though Jack was also so much bigger. In some ways I miss those newborn days and in other ways I never want to do them again. What a whirlwind!

Some favorite highlights from this past year include: Labor Day weekend meeting Rosie for the first time; our Midwest fall road trip taking Jack back to family and visiting Chicago, Michigan, and Indiana; Christmas in Chicago with all the siblings; Denver in March meeting cousin Ollie for the first time; Daniel and Lo's wedding in June, and countless beach mornings and walks in between. We've enjoyed the Zoo, New Children's Museum, walks to our neighborhood Mt. Etna park, strolls along PB pier, Farmer's Markets, playdates, pool time, Balboa Park, happy hours, swing times, library storytime, and just rolling around and laughing on the floor. In the mornings, we used to get Jack up then bring hi into bed with us and just stare and laugh at him. He would make the funniest little faces and the most precious noises. Once he started getting mobile, our morning routines had to change (now he loves taking everything out of my closet as I get ready... a routine I do not particularly enjoy). We have found that his happiest time is "nakey time" right before bathtime/bedtime. He giggles so much and crawls all around with such joy that it's almost hard to actually put him to sleep!

This season of life is just so sacred and I don't want to forget it!

In the challenge and in the questions, I absolutely love being a Mom. I have no doubt that this is the calling God has for me. He knew Jack would be ours before the creation of the world. I feel so immensely privileged and undeserving. I wouldn't choose anything else right now; my cup overflows. Even in the days when I look back with envy to the Rebecca who worked an office job at PLNU, coming and going with the freedom to grab a solo coffee or go for a walk or meet a friend for lunch. However, I also know that was a season of life. Now I look at the black beans smeared on the floor and the Tupperware strewn all over the kitchen floor and realize this is the Rebecca I will envy someday. This time with my baby/toddler at home is something I wouldn't ever trade. I'll take the messes and the no-nap days and the crying and the frustrations any day. Because I know each of these days will be the makeup of my life. And I don't want to ever wish them away!

Also - in true growth - I have started choosing Finished over Perfect. I am writing my thoughts here without much editing or re-reading these days. I am posting pics that capture our life that don't abide to a particular color scheme. Because I would rather have it done than have it never-done in fear of it not being perfect enough. I guess this is therapy for a recovering perfectionist...

For Jack's birthday party, we did a little yard reveal. We had a bounce house, ate hot dogs, and shared cake. We traded Jack's helmet for a birthday crown that day. We Facetimed with Rosie and remembered our FaceTime on the 13th a year ago, both in the hospital with our new babies. We had our friends and all the grandparents here. It is so special to see just how loved your little person is with so many people. What a gift.

Here are some pics capturing our weekend with the Knisely crew + Grandma Mickey. I'm already sad the weekend has ended. We love family and every time they leave a piece of my heart breaks with the reality that we don't live closer. We are thankful to at least have one set of grandparents nearby!

Cousin time with Isabella

Isabella adores Uncle Ben and it's the cutest thing ever

We love pool time with Aunt Ashlie and Isabella 

Daddy's first swim with Jack. We are hoping he's a little water boy!

Birthday Dessert Table

We love our little Jack Attack

Aunt Lo and Uncle D

I think Jack ate an entire watermelon at his bday party.

My mom got us a Zoo pass for Jack's birthday and I am so excited for so many good zoo memories

Cousin Love

Grandpa Jay and GB got Jack his first bike for his birthday! He absolutely loves it. He's clapping for himself in this picture - he's so proud of himself!