Here, Right Now.

While it’s true that I readily embrace change, there often comes a moment amidst the transition where I have a sense of reflection and even a bit of fear. Since driving across the country in summer 2015 with my belongings in my trunk, life has been a series of changes that I never could’ve foreseen. I have gone from single, 20’s, studio-life to married, 30’s, house-life in a matter of one year. Amidst that, I had a job transition to a different industry, finished my thesis, and started adjunct teaching as a professor in our degree completion programs.

As my birthday approaches and a new year lies on the horizon, I think about the flurry of the past two years. Life has happened in 6-month chunks and I am finally approaching a resting spot. Moving, Dating, Engagement, Thesis + Adjunct Teaching… 6 months at a time; the most glorious moments, the most daunting, and ones that took the most courage. I have grown-up in places where I deeply needed challenge; I have self-reflected in places that I had formerly been afraid of; I have replaced old roles with new ones and found myself building new habits to form a more profound faith and identity.

Now that I am in a season of closure and developing a sense of rest, I automatically jump to the next thought – what is next? I have researched PhD programs, considered babies, and viewed Open Houses. But in all those things, I have unrest, as if not the right timing and just not right now. I don’t experience a lack of confidence or uneasiness, I mostly experience God telling me patience, wait, be. But why?! What am I waiting for? Why can’t I jump into the adventure and wear the victory of defeating the next challenge?

To these questions, I don’t know the answers. I am not sure what the waiting is for and sometimes it frustrates me because I am a do-er. I like to be busy and I like to be a high-achiever. Perhaps it is a call to be present, or a call to trust that which is unseen right now. I know that I can trust God and that obedience to what He calls is the most fulfilling and lifegiving place to be. So that’s where I am – waiting and trusting and knowing that in His timing everything is right.