The wedding plans have now subsided and the rhythm of life
with Benjamin feels a rooted sense of constancy and stability that comes with each
day alongside your forever person. Because I know life only seems to get busier,
I realize there’s no perfect time to uncover what remains of that silly master’s
thesis of mine (that tiny last piece of my diploma that got tossed to the
wayside when I accepted a teaching job in San Diego, packed up my car and said
goodbye to Chicago, fell in love with B, transitioned to a new job, got engaged,
then planned a wedding… Oops.)
Despite the few years between when I finished coursework at
Wheaton and now, I feel that there’s no better time than this to re-open myself
to the world of pilgrimage. It has, in fact, been a pilgrimage to write this lingering
paper. Ben – in his supportive and encouraging ways – has selflessly volunteered
to play basketball on Tuesday nights so that I can have time and space to write
and finish. When I tried to convince him that I can in fact focus when he’s
there, he reminded me of the many times I have articulated the same thing,
which resulted in snuggling him and taking a nap. To his credit, he’s right.
After taking a break from the voices interacting in my
Review of Literature, it feels like a homecoming in a way to return to it. I
would like to use this paper as a catalyst to a book brewing in the recesses of
my mind someday… and it feels exciting to re-enter this world that I have
deserted for so long.
With fresh eyes, I am taking the next best step to finish…
Gathering up resources from PLNU library (very thankful to have access to it!),
and starting on an outline for the application of my thesis to a context
(pilgrimage route). What has paralyzed me in the past is questioning what I
have to offer this world… What unique words and experiences do I truly bring to
a topic of so much history? I wrestle with these questions and realize it’s not
the point. Taking the next best step is – and it is always worth it.
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