Decisions & Books

Besides an endless countdown of days until the classroom door flings open and sweet summer freedom filters into the lily, the past few weeks have lent unusual amounts of time to be lost in the world of a brilliant novel, coupled with seeking the wisdom of God and friends for the best step into What's Next. While some transitions in life feel doubtlessly perfect in timing and being, others are meant for wrestling and weighing the options... for fully pro/con'ing my path to finally acknowledging the peace that says Yes, Do It.

The first round of summer life...

Such has been life in April and May... and this new adventure of graduate school is one I embark upon with great expectancy... with also a healthy dose of fear. Because the truth is, God has been drawing me to an interest in spiritual formation for the past three years, leading me to this degree at Wheaton College since meeting a professor (the cutout version of my "someday self") during an inservice at CHA... and this year, He provided a way for me to go. Unexpected- yes; terrifying- no doubt; a leap of faith-definitely. But, as my brothers so often remind me, with every risk brings reward. And though I can't see the direct reward from a master's in spiritual formation of child/family at this moment, I hold out my hands knowing God can use anything... and often we don't have the eyes to see it until it happens.

This.book. "Specialty Topics in Calamity Physics"
Gripping in the most unforeseen way!

As I finish out these next few weeks with the Kindergarteners, it feels strange to go about the routine knowing I will not continue next year. Because so much of the teaching career is a trial-and-error basis with the end goal of perfecting classroom management or lessons or experiences "for next year," it feels odd to not have a next year. As it is when most seasons comes to a close, I am quick to pick up on the daily nuances of the moments I will miss - the love of the children being so beautifully unconditional, the way they approach each day with newfound innocence, and their capacity for new ideas and experiments sponge-like in nature.... I know I will deeply miss life as a teacher. It has also never felt more right to pursue a new depth of my heart.

Dinner party to celebrate a truth-giver and freedom-liver... my dearest Betsy.

With this leap into something new, I remember who He is and how He is faithful, "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading... It is a life of faith, not of intellect and reason, but a life of knowing WHO makes us 'go'" :: Oswald Chambers :: 

It is a strange Rest; the one that blindly trusts God to go where He goes... but the blind Yes's are also the ones that allow opportunity for Him to receive the glory... to look at a situation knowing it had to be Him Alone.

So next year, when I'm no longer buried in novels or decisions, rather overwhelmed with papers and deadlines and timelines and library books... I will return to this season and remember the feeling of Right. I will remind myself that where He leads is Good. And the craving for a new challenge brings the hope of growth. 

Stepping into grad life alongside this sista will bring many hilarious adventures for us both...