I have words jumbled in my mind, untethered to phrases that
make sense in grammatical form or coherent in the English language. I blame the
papers, I blame the finals, I even blame the chaos of a city in transition to
winter. But mostly, my inner landscape has been distraught with decisions – a
semester ending and a future unknown; a degree approaching and questions
surfacing about what I will do and where I will go. In the meantime, my classes
this semester have transformed my identity, drawing me closer to His
undeserving love and causing me to worship at His goodness. I am trying not to
remain frozen within my thoughts, but give them space to breathe. I await the
day my writing is recovered for mere pleasure instead of assignment... Oh, I
long for that day with great expectation.
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| Seattle with the "Phil's Camino" Team |
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| Thanksgiving Break with the best high school friends |
The ever-present theme undergirding my mind is Change. My
little brother Mikey got married in August, and my other brother Daniel is
moving to San Diego. My days in Chicago are marked by life beside Daniel, and
mourning his presence here will surely take more than the upcoming days lived
in his absence. Three years in Chicago together may seem short, yet their
significance is weighted by the trajectory of my 28 year old life. Each year in
the 20’s seems like a disparate world with the constant transition of friends
from marriage to families to homes and countries. In a sense I have lived four
lifetimes in this city, and expect to be marked by the interplay of many more.
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| City Adventures over break |
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| Studying is best over coffee in community |
I reflect on this year with gratitude and anticipate a new
year of change. Change is good for the soul – the death of one thing leading to
the life of another. As the semester comes to a close, I can’t help but note
the change within myself. I so often want to grip life tight and force it to
adjust to my own pace, but perhaps the beauty of change is that it often
catches us by surprise. It sneaks itself in so that we are thrown into
disequilibrium; it is essentially in this unprecedented, unanticipated state
that we are transformed. And while I want to resist unexpected change, I know
it is only in the embrace of New that I can grow.
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Nothing like a 10 Year Reunion to bring reminders of where you've come from
and where you're going |
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| A weekend of brunch when Jess is in town |
And if there’s anything I hope to say about my life in this
sabbatical of graduate school it’s that I have grown. I am not the same person
today that I was when I entered Wheaton in fall of 2013. While my core remains
the same, my perspective and approach to God and others has significantly
altered in the best of ways. I often live so shortsighted and don’t note the
growth in the day-to-day, but over a period of time it becomes more evident. In
the close of a semester, I notice these changes and am thankful I am not still
the person I used to be. Thank you God, for change.
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| Wheaton has opened up "more than wardrobe doors" for me |
