Over on the West Coast

:: I get to hug this one for days ::

:: play in Balboa park ::
the most beautiful & biggest tree I have ever seen

:: the adorable home created by the one & only suzy lee ::

What a much needed break from Chicago...

soaking up some sunny days in SD for a week.

It will come.

At the end of every winter, there is spring. On my first day of spring break, I slowed down in the morning to notice the daylight as it stretched through the window of my room. I thought about the assuredness of the sun rising each day, and the hope carried within each new morning. There is never any doubt that in the morning the sun will come up; we have unwavering faith in each day bringing a next. And at the end of each season, there is always something new. 

Spring speaks to God’s promises… of new life coming after death, and beauty after suffering.

Sun through bare branches.

“Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” - Hosea 6:3

Even though it’s 20 degrees and doesn’t feel like spring, there is faith that it will come. We know it will be here soon.

Light is coming.

Participating.

memories of summer travels : san fran.

"We remember because we are no longer observers. I think that Jesus had in mind that we would not just be "believers", but "participants". Not because it's hip, but because it's accurate. He wanted people that got to the "do" part of faith; not because He wanted activity, but because He wanted our faith to matter to us."

:: Bob Goff, Storyline Blog

On A Snow Day

The best possible news in the middle of the winter is the prospect of a snow day.

snowy Newport street.

Unfortunately, in a city that is too well-equipped for snow, these days come few and far between. So after rising and diminishing hopes on three separate occasions for a snow day, it was only realistic (not pessimistic) to assume a No Snow Day today. After all, "potential" 6-10 inches is not the same as actual. And when I awoke at 4am to not a single snowflake fallen, I figured it was safe to assume l would be getting ready for school in a few hours.

My favorite coffeeshop in the city.

But apparently, Chicago was crying out for a day to hunker down and stay inside. To my surprise, school was cancelled. And today I did everything I would want to do if I didn't have a regular, everyday job... long slow mornings with tea/journaling/reading, writing graduate essays, a walk and latte at Heritage coffee, a This American Life podcast on my way to the grocery, and then back home again. Sigh. If only everyday were a snow day.

But then I guess it wouldn't be as special.

Bundle extreme.

Child Honesty

We have had 115 days of school, and sometimes I look at my class and wonder just how much they have learned. I know there is always more I could be doing to spark their curiosity & creativity. I struggle with creating the most engaging lessons and hands-on, natural materials, child-centered environment. To be honest - most of the time, I have no idea what they are taking home with them to their parents and if they are truly prepared for the next grade level at the end of the year. 

And with the winter blues and the reliance on green tea and lack of sun, I start to wonder - am I really even good at this?!

As I was reading with a group of children the other day, another child in the class approached me asking for a band-aid. I put aside the slight frustration from the interruption and I did what I always do with Kindergarteners - take every scrape, cut, or bruise very seriously. I got him a band-aid, told him he was okay, gave him a hug, and prayed for him. As I went about this protocol, trying to give full attention to both the injured child and the other few reading, I noticed one of the readers had looked up from her book and was just staring at me. As I turned back to the group, she said: "Miss Goldstein, you're a really good teacher." I froze. (Regardless if it's actually true or not coming from a 5 year old is irrelevant...) In this moment I realized it's okay. This child didn't say that because I've provided the best color-coded lesson plans and advanced technology with top-of-the-line materials... she knew that her classmate was cared for in a time when he needed me, and for her, that was enough.

The children aren't prepared for life because of academics and awesome lessons, they don't walk away loving school because of all the interesting topics they've learned and facts they remember... they are ready for the next step when they know they are loved. 

And that is the most important thing I can give as a teacher.

Seeing the Good

6am Little Goat coffee dates.

Sundays with dad.

These ladies who I live each day with!

The children in my life.
How they light up my days, make me laugh, and unconditionally love.

This view everyday.

Never too cold for a lakeside picnic.

"He was sure that it made no difference to her on which day he appeared: for her, every day was the same, and when each day is the same as the next, it's because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises." :: Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist (27)

Floor Finished

Truth be told : Ash and I had a Friday night free and decided, "Hey let's paint the floor!"

It had been on the lily DIY list for awhile... it was time to tackle for winter.

square-by-square

Armed and loaded with patio floor paint, we set out upon taping our kitchen in mathematically arranged diamonds, using the linoleum squares as a reference. 

white blocks first.

Our freshly motivated hearts quickly calculated which diamonds to be white and which to be black... but what we didn't know yet was that every other square would be taped slightly off, it takes multiple coats of paint to make patio paint look good, we would eventually tear up all the tape and go square-by-square, and the whole floor needed to be edged with a tiny paintbrush.

A slight nightmare...

So it's no surprise that this took more than a Friday night.

chocolate cake helped.

3 weeks later, I guess I can say it was worth it. But boy was this hardwork.

finishing never felt better. celebration!

From Ash

< all I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen >

After a weekend of haphazard lily adventures, Ashley slipped me this Emerson quote.

It really struck me that when you do life with someone, you see deeper into the heartbeat of their life - what they're about, which experiences have shaped them, and what they need in each season. 

She knows my heart & the words I need to hear.

I am thankful for this dear friend and roommate.

Another Upgrade

The one thing I've learned about painting,

is that it always takes more time than you think.

So here I find myself. 

Friday evening on a kitchen floor. 

Surrounded by a series of closely calculated lines... 

Because what else do you do when it's zero degrees outside??

I guess our apartment will look really awesome by spring.

Goodbye linoleum. Hello soon-to-be checkers.

Here's to just hoping we did the math right...

I guess we'll find out tomorrow!

Anxious, lately.

Anxiety is such a monster. It's a beast that feels un-conquerable and uncontrollable. I've had my share of the short bursts of stress or anxiety... but the kind that beats you up during the day and keeps you awake during the night has been seasons few & far between. The last time I remember a period of prolonged anxiety was in 2004 when decisions with ACT scores and colleges plagued my mind (that feels forrrrever ago...) But I also knew how to manage it because it had a root; I could recognize where it came from and when it would possibly end. And it eventually did.

Lately, my struggle is with the worst kind of anxiety - the kind that is so mysteriously sneaky that I don't know where it came from or how to defeat it. It's just there, lingering in my gut and churning my stomach until the wee hours of the morning, multiplying itself with every hour shortage of sleep. How to deal with that?! Because the thing about anxiety is that you can't willingly turn it off no matter how hard you yell at it to go away. Someone once told me that anxiety is what happens when you try to control the chaos... yet nothing feels chaotic in my life right now. After all, it's winter. (See previous post.) Life is slow and pretty standard these days...

< snowy night via pinterest >

But in these moments of deep & unnamed fear, community has been put in the spotlight and revealed its essential need in my life. Community is not a contrived theory or idealistic lifestyle. It's what changed the do's&dont's of a high school student into a life-giving, faith-walking belief pointing me to the real Jesus. It's here and it's real. Being broken in front of people and coming to the end of yourself and admitting you can't do it alone just to have others hold up your arms and tell you you CAN is my lifeline right now. It comes in the form of late night conversations with Suzy or Mikey, or the constant reminders of prayers from Jenny and Betsy, or scripture from Cassie, or the handwritten notes and sweet gifts from Aimee and Ashley. These loved ones have upheld me. And it's only in those bottom-of-the-barrel moments that I no longer look at these friendships as simply another part of my life, but literally the people who sustain me as they believe for me. They have shown me the overflowing, un-denying, unconditional love of God... and in that, the peace that surpasses all understanding (Phill 4) has been my shield in this anxious battle.

Last night I slept 7 hours - the longest in awhile - after my roommates prayed for me and begged for precious sleep and peace from God. And He is faithful and granted me that much-needed rest, reminding me that friends are praying for me and battling alongside me. I know now I couldn't do it without them... and maybe a tiny part of me sees the silver lining in this dose of anxiety. It's woken me up to the beauty of these friends I live life right beside and shown me once again that I am not alone.