Hubbard Home: A Year Ago and Now

April has made me nostalgic time for this time last year when we had just begun the Reno process of our beloved Hubbard Home. Deep into my third trimester of pregnancy with Jack, at times it was unclear whether or not it would be finished before he came. (Little did we know he would come 2 weeks late... thanks for giving us more time to finish our house, Jack!).

While we were quick to post updates on the wall knock-downs, flooring upgrades, pipe trenches, ceiling scrapes, and paint tests -- it hasn't been until now that I've uploaded a single After picture. I'm a perfectionist at heart and it seemed I could never get the house perfect enough to post anything. I'm motivated by ChrisLovesJulia's "Don't Wait" campaign. I'm not going to wait until the living room curtains are hung and our furniture is upgraded. There might not ever be a time we have enough plants or light fixtures or move enough baby stuff out of the way. There's no such thing as perfect lighting or perfectly framed photos. All we are promised is the Present. Right now. So I'm choosing Now over Perfect. 

This process from beginning to end was a project that has us already dreaming about our next fixer upper. We discovered a whole lifetime underneath these walls and floors -- somebody's life story hidden within the beams. It was like a history project unfolding and renewal surfacing. The cycle of death and life continues in this old home, cycling the age-old Easter tale. Shortly after the 84 year old man died in here (Old Man Turner, as we call him), a young couple brought home a 3 day old baby. The old has passed and the new has come. We love our Hubbard Home! And the process of making it ours made us love it even more.

Entrance:
Ben and I sensed the word Peace as we went through the process of buying our home. We feel that our home is worthless if it's just for us - meaning and memories are brought to this home when we share it with the people we love. Our desire is for people to feel at home in our home, as if it were their own - and to experience a sense of being taken care of, loved, and served. For this reason, I was initially drawn to the fireplace as bringing warmth and community to the space. I wanted it to be the focal point of the entry. Initially it was unseen from the doorway due to a few walls and a giant closet thing that was ugly and had no purpose. After taking out the pantry and part of the wall, the space became a lot more open and the fireplace immediately in view.

Kitchen:

Okay, so the kitchen didn't get quite the facelift we wish it could get. Everything remained original except for paint and hardware. But hey - paint and hardware can go a long way right?!

Oh - and the fruit lamp. We debated keeping it, but ultimately decided to replace it ;) We put a modern 3-blade fan in the kitchen for cooking purposes.

My favorite part of the kitchen is the Open Shelves. This became an ongoing topic of conversation (and late night wake-up's) between Ben and I. No matter how I tried to shake it, I couldn't stop dreaming about those open shelves! My sweet Benjamin ended up demo'ing the second set after we had already painted and dry-walled with the cabinets in... so it was definitely a labor of love. I think in the end, he's glad we did it, too!

Hallway:

We opened up the hallway down to the bedrooms by knocking down the terrible built-in's. The first right bring you to the guest bathroom. The second right would bring you from the hallway into the second bathroom. We closed up that doorway and made that bathroom open into the bedroom, creating a master suite.

Guest Bathroom:

The first bathroom we knew we wanted to tackle was the pink bathroom. When we tore it up, we found that the pipes were laying in the dirt draining into nothing... so we then realized we needed to replace them with all new copper pipes. Since the pink bathroom shares a wall with the master bath, we decided to redo both at once. There was a moment when both bathroom were stripped down to the studs and the floor was a giant pile of dirt that I cried and questioned why we ever did this. The fixer upper life is not always a glamorous process - it has to get worse before it can get better. At this point I relied heavily on Instagram polls for decision-making because that part of my brain seemed to shutdown. We love how it turned out!

Master Bathroom:

As mentioned, what is now the "master" was originally just an additional hallway bathroom. The entrance led to the same hallway the other bathroom led to. So we flipped the entrance into the bedroom. The existing doorway got drywalled and the door (where the original towel rod is below) leads into our bedroom. I just love the black shower tile and gray marble floor contrast with the gold accents!

Master Bedroom:

We debated for awhile which bedroom would be the master. Out of the two rooms that could be masters - we chose the smaller one which initially had a smaller closet. We chose this one because it leads to the master bathroom, and we decided that once Jack moves into the other room, the play space it allows will be valuable. He also might be sharing it with a sibling someday, so the more space for two littles in there the better (cue my dreams of built-in bunks!). To solve the closet issue, we flipped the closets by cutting through the wall, framing it up, and adding a custom triple slider door on a track. 

Baby Room and Guest Room Coming Soon!

Every time I take pictures and sit down to write, Jack is sleeping and the guest room is being used so I can't get photos of these rooms yet! I will soon!

Other updates include:

New doors and hardware (we are pretty obsessed with Emtek!), all new lighting fixtures and ceiling fans, a new floor throughout the house, new paint, screen door, house numbers... and currently working on the garage/backyard which will be a whole separate post! 

For now - here are a few more pics:

The Practice Within the Practice

For Lent, I decided to wake up an hour before Jack so that I could make time to pray, write, and think clearly about my day.

I did this... one time. And that Once was because I had to pack to catch a flight. No moment of silence making lists of gratitude; no signs of restfully sitting and sipping hot lemon water. The Pre-Mom Me would denote myself to failure and speak some words of self-hate in my mind, but I'm growing up and learning I'm better than that. I have always been drawn to the imagery of seasons. Growing up in Chicago, I remember the first signs of buds returning to their branches this time of year, bringing with them the hope of newness, sunlight, longer days, and the bliss of summer. Nobody told the buds to come back; nobody taught the flowers to bloom.

Our bodies, our lives were created this way. We were made to rise and fall with life; walk in the trenches and hike up the mountaintop, wake up early and sleep in. Yes - I am a Goals person. Yes, I am an Enneagram 3 Achiever, but I recognize that this is a season where I find the early morning hour too early; a season in which sleep trumps ALL.

I've always been a morning person - lulled by the sweet light of the sunrise, smell of the coffee, goals and prospect of the day. These moments are where I have drawn motivation, inspiration, perseverance. But I can't rely on the morning for these moments anymore; I have to find them throughout my day. It's a discipline; it's a practice. It's noticing and being present. It's not seeking the practice outside of Jack, it's finding it within time with him.

I read something that struck me today: "It took me a long time to realize that the activities of motherhood were the practice, rather than practice being something that I could fit in between those activities."

It is here and it is now with Jack. Thank God for seasons. And Jack's cuteness.

Skisteins 2019

Just when the sun began to peek its face and the weather carried a sense of dew again, we traded the San Diego beach for the Colorado mountains. Maybe because we grew-up skiing every year, or because Mikey/Jill/Rosie live there, but in a way Denver feels like a second home for the amount of time we have spent out there. It only feels natural to be heading out for a ski trip this time of year - it almost feels like summer can't come without it.

This year was different than all other years in the way of Babies. This mostly effected how much Ben and I were able to be on the mountain - and the fact that we couldn't be on the mountain together. We divided up into a Guys Ski and a Girls Ski, which actually worked to my advantage because I have an ongoing fear that I will get separated from the rest of the group and get accidentally taken down a back bowl. Jillian was basically my Ski Marm, I avidly followed her skiing expertise as she walked me through the lift connections and warned me before any black diamonds. We had so much fun chatting on the lift and connecting in a way that only happens skiing one-on-one (and over a 2 hour cabin lunch break...). At one point we skied into a parking lot off a hidden side of the mountain as I fed Jack between ski layers and Jillian hung in the trunk manually pumping for Rosie. Sigh. Skiing & Mom Life.

Baby Cousins! Things to note: Jack slept in the closet, Rosie almost crawled her way down the stairs, they shared solids, and are on their way to being besties

On the Girls Cabin Day, we chatted Wedding with Lauren, grabbed hot chocolate in Breck, and strolled the strip. I speak for Jillian when I say that Lauren completes us! She is easygoing, fun-loving, quick-witted, and always well-intentioned. She is the sister we have been waiting for and trips like these bring this truth to the forefront even clearer. She is the perfect addition to our fam and we can't wait for her to be a Goldstein in June!

Our evenings were full of laughter, games, and delicious food. Michael and Jillian cooked the first night, we cooked the second, and Lauren/D the third. We relaxed by the fire. We did family facemasks and played Sequence.

Needless to say, the Hygge was strong.

It is moments like these that bring about a deep, guttural thankfulness for my family. I recognize that not everyone has sibling friends. We are bonded in a way that is unique - it is a true testament to the work of God in our lives the way we are united together, enjoy one another, and are able to peacefully (most times...) speak into each other's lives.

Jack slept in our arms on the plane because the flight was during his bedtime. We didn't hate it.

The past six months have hosted more change than I have ever faced in my entire life. It has caused me to enter into a whole new rhythm, perspective, identity, and routine. We cleaned out our garage this past weekend, and I stumbled upon our Pro/Con list for buying and renovating our home vs staying in North Park. Looking back, I'm proud of our courage to step into unknowns - a new neighborhood, homeownership - in the midst of even more unknowns - having a baby and quitting my job. Us Kniselys thrive on a good routine - we love the familiar smell of coffee programmed to drift through our home in the morning, we like our fireside wine following a series of shows at night - we enjoy beach mornings on Saturdays and frequenting our favorite craft coffee scenes. We like what's familiar because it makes us feel known and safe.

At the same time, one of the things that drew me to Ben when I first met him was his love for adventure and getting out of the safety zone that's so easy for hibernation. I've never met anyone who's traveled more than Ben - he thrives on new experiences and risky undertakings in a way that is atypical for an Enneagram Type Six ;) In this way, we are both a mixture of risk and safety; adventure and comfort. It was our bifurcated selves at war in our decision to move; and I'm grateful we let our precarious sides come out to play.

Since moving to Clairemont, my whole world has shifted. Coming from a life in downtown Chicago for five years, my initial move to downtown San Diego felt like a culture shock. Almost instantaneously it seemed quieter, sleepier, and slower paced. It was a nice break from the bustle of Chicago streets and I remember taking a deep refreshing breath of the everyday beauty that SD so naturally boasts and the healthier lifestyle found in this sunshine and avocado state. Living in Banker's Hill then North Park gave me a dose of "city life" without actually feeling the stress of the city. All this to say, I could never expected what it would be like to move to Clairemont. Even though it is still considered San Diego proper, it seems like a whole different world. I've already mentioned my loathing for the sounds of trash cans coming out Tuesday night for Wednesday Trash Day - but can I double underline that please?! I didn't initially realize that my move to San Diego ushered in a natural progression of drifting away from city life; but I now find myself in this cozy little corner of San Diego living in stark contrast to my city days.

I am learning to settle in and enjoy it. While I love routine, my creativity and inspiration in life thrive on new experiences. A slow depression creeps in when I can't seem to occupy my time with new things and it makes me feel stuck. So I have been doing my best to create new within the familiar and - as my blog title states - "extraordinary within the ordinary."

I often find myself returning to the message of the Camino when I want to escape the everyday-ness of life. The true Camino starts when you return home. The discipline of any travel adventure is integrating the new experiences, the learned outcomes, the shared memories into your experiences of day-to-day life back where you live. Because life is not a constant vacation (though it can come close here in CA!) - real life is alarm clocks and brushing teeth and making breakfast and going to work. My challenge now is to accept this place that I live while I try to integrate my city-self here.

It all stems from Gratitude. Every positive experience of my life, every affirmation of myself has stemmed from an overarching thankfulness and discipline to see the Good instead of focusing on the Lack. It comes from a daily Thank-You for the things I have, the life I live, and the people that surround me. When I can muster up a heart of thanks - even when it feels more like a discipline and less like an outpouring of truth - it is then that I can have a new perspective on what I do each day. There is always God to be found; there is always truth to wrestle with and discover. There is always something that could easily be overlooked - the spring breeze floating through the window, the smell of dinner on the stove, the sweet baby giggles echoing down the hall - but gratitude allows me to see these things; to notice and appreciate.

In graduate school, I had a professor who would say that each day he prays "God give me wisdom and give me gratitude." That prayer has stuck with me and I've adopted it as my practice. Wisdom & gratitude... that's where life is found.

As an Enneagram Three, I want to know that everything I do carries value. Every moment of the day is amounting to something bigger than I can see; something meaningful. As a mom, this validation is not often assured as I go about my days. I wonder if what I'm doing actually matters; if how I spend my time contributes to the greater good I seek to live.

The truth is, being a mom is not about validation or affirmation. It is not about receiving encouragement from others telling me that I'm doing a good job. I simply have to trust that I'm doing all I can to choose the best for our little Jack. And that's simply enough.

Jack's shirt made by Jess for Juliette's 1st Birthday

We love days at the park!

Tandem swinging with buddy Owen

He just learned to sit-up

Here is the Before -- we are in process of finishing our garage for a playroom!

Weekend Getaway: Napa

Where to start with the highlights from our weekend trip... kid-free, lots of wine, delicious eats, fireplace snuggles, wedding vids, 70 + sunny... the list goes on. Case in point: Napa is a DREAM. As we waved goodbye to the grape lined streets, the only thing withholding my tears was the confidence in knowing this was not our last trip. 

Without Jack, it harkened us back to Our Dating Days; delighting in the freedom of our own timeframe, schedule, and spontaneity. I savor these moments with Ben -- opportunities to connect and learn more about each other's hearts, dreams, goals, frustrations, delights. In the shuffle of the everyday, our focus is often shifted to Jack and we have to intentionally ask the bigger questions, silly questions, and even difficult questions to pivot the conversation back to one another. 

On my favorite day of the trip, we had a 5 course plated meal with wine pairings as we sat in a valley of sun watching the straight edges of vine rows disappearing into looming mountains across the horizon. We savored the crisp of the rose followed by full-bodied reds, trying our best to presently absorb the beauty of the moment. Shortly after, finding ourselves in a German vineyard surrounded by laughing groups of picnickers and a delicious cabernet led us to remember our Favorite Day - two years ago - and reminisce on those first few weeks married. I'm not sure I will ever live a happier day than 2/18/2017; though I know I will come close.

Some days I am still in awe that I get to call Benjamin my husband, Jack our son, and San Diego our home. In many ways, three years ago I didn't know if this could ever be my future. I remember falling in love with Ben realizing for the second time how intimately God knows the dreams of my heart. The first was when He led me to Spain, the second was when He led me to Ben. For those who doubt, I offer this quote: "All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen" (Ralph Waldo Emerson). God is faithful, unexpectedly and unexplainably so. When we look back over the course of our lives, we see His gifts. He has been with us in the past and He remains with us every step into the future. He placed the dreams in our heart and it is He who allows them to materialize in a way that always brings glory back to Him.